These past few days have been a murky mix of confusion, doubt and frustration for me.
I dithered here and there, wondering why I can’t seem to find a job that I would really like to do. I wondered if the problem lied with me, that I was too fussy and idealistic, that I didn’t know what exactly it is that I want to do.

And so, in a cold and steely manner, I started applying to jobs that sounded vaguely interesting, hoping that one of the many could be the right one for me.

Some interviews turned out favourably, resulting in offers and recall for second meetings. But somehow, I didn’t feel excited about the prospects of these jobs. I felt uncertain, wondering if they were really what I wanted to do. Somehow, they just didn’t feel right. But I told myself that I should give myself the chance to try them out before rejecting them completely.

Then, the answer came to me in the unlikeliest of places - in the backseat of a cab.

Suddenly, I realised that the reason why I didn’t feel enthusiastic about any of these job offers is because they were not what I had envisioned myself doing. I was doing exactly what I had said I would never do - take up a job for the sake of having a job. To me, a job is not just a job. I don’t want to wake up leaden everyday, dreading work. I want to feel charged and happy about work.

There are only a handful of things that I am genuinely interested in doing. I want to write, I want to be part of the Arts scene in Singapore, I want to conceptualise ideas and strategies in consumer PR, I want to interact with people.

Hence my decision - if I don’t find a job that suits me in any of these areas, I will teach. I want to spread my love for English Literature and Music to young people. I want to teach little children to learn to sing and act. Teaching is not the coward’s way out for me, it’s something that encompasses most of what I want to do.

I’ve found my direction in life.

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If You Didn’t Love Me from “Corrinne May” by Corrinne May

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