Dear California Fitness,

And so it has come to this. After almost two years, I have decided to “divorce” you. I’m sorry, I have to do this because I have found another who is younger, and much smaller in size.

Please believe me when I say that it was good between us, initially. How I loved rushing down to Somerset just so I could make it to the 6.30pm Body Combat class, during my internship days. How immersed in the whole new concept of kicking and punching was I. How empowered I felt whenever I could execute some nifty combinations while others flail their arms around.

Heck, I was so inspired that I even forced myself to get out of bed at 6am, just so I could get to combat class at 7am and then make my way to school for lessons after that.

I loved you despite the fact that you came to me second-hand, after your first partner dumped you for greener pastures.

But your antics have begun to piss the hell out of me. I always have to go at least 10 minutes before class to chope a space for me to execute my kicks and punches without flattening someone else’s butt or side. And this is despite your huge, airy studio which becomes suffocatingly smelly halfway through because the air-conditioning sometimes malfunctions. Then, I always skip the cool-down section, just so that I can go off to shower without having to queue.

Yes, despite your public swimming pool/military-like shower cubicles (read: many, many tiny cubicles), there is a perpetual queue. Whenever I step out of my shower, I see at least 15 women waiting in line.

The last straw came when I was accosted by your sales guy twice in as many weeks. He came up to me, as I was leaving, and asked me if I had friends or colleagues who wanted to sign up. I said no, and he kept pestering me until I snapped, “My colleagues are all with Fitness First. My friends are as cheap as I am and are California Fitness members.”

I have to leave you, you no longer fulfill me. Now, my needs are met by Fitness First.

Fitness First is smaller and cozier. It has four different locations and best of all, one of the outlets is just across the road from my office. I no longer live in fear of hurting my fellow combaters with the back of my fist or heel during class — they limit the number of people in each class. The lockers are big and have compartments for knick-knacks and shoes, and the shower cubicles have frosted glass doors and little benches for me to put my things on. I have never had to queue to shower, or to pee, for that matter (which I always have to, with you). The towels are thicker and fluffier. Even the plastic bags that I use to keep my clothes and shoes are hardier, with yours tearing into shreds so easily.

Oops. Yes, I have been seeing Fitness First behind your back. It’s a better place for me and the best thing is that it has swimming pools at three of its four locations! I fell in love with the meandering swimming pool and resort feel of One George Street and I have never looked back ever since.

I will be letting our relationship run its course, or until someone else fancies you (at a reduced, dirt cheap price). Till then, please do not expect my return.

Yours,
yAnn

I’m so in lurrve…

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