Almost everyday, I wake up in bed and ask myself, “What do I want to do with my life?”
You know, when I was a kid, I thought that life would fall neatly into place when I grow up. I would get a job, get married, have a house, have children and just sail through life. But things aren’t that simple. The family and marriage part is coming along nicely – it’s the part about career which worries me.
I am not an ambitious person. I strive to be happy in what I do and to earn a comfortable living. So what if I don’t become an editor, so what if I can’t afford to buy that Prada purse? It’s not that big a deal to me. All I aim for in life is to be happy and have enough time for myself and my family. But the problem is, as much as I don’t want to be a career ladder climber, these days, my job shapes my mood and my feelings.
I don’t know when exactly it was that I started losing confidence in my writing here. Somewhere along the way, I became worried that I am not suitable for the job and it has lingered. And now, I am faced with a problem: I don’t know what I want to do, or can do. If I stay on, which I want to for a while more, am I able to deliver? Can I work with my boss, who, although very nice, drives me up the wall with her inefficiencies and disorganisation? If I go, where am I to go, especially with the economy looking like such a miserable cow? What do I do – stick with writing, or a writing-related job (like editing), or completely abandon the writing ship and jump to be a corporate executive?
In my dream scenario, I would be sitting at home, writing up a storm and earning my keep from freelance work. But with my name unfamiliar to commercial entities (where all the money really is), it’s going to take a huge leap of faith for me to do the unthinkable.
And so, invariably, I ask myself, “What do I want to do with my life?”
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
You can definitely write, no question about it. :)
i think you write well too..
and i suppose this entry of yours prob serves as a voice-out for some of us out there as well, including me..
why is it so hard to do sth we like/love for a living yet earn enough to live comfortably?
ponders
That question pops into my head sometimes too. You’re not alone. It’s 1.56am right now and i’m in the midst of doing changes (for my client), i dont know what the heck i’m doing and all i can think of is sleeping. I wish people would buy the rubbish i paint for 12K and then life would be great!
Not for you any run-of-the-mill job that will sap your spirit. Stick to writing, stick to what you love. And I suspect you’re intuitive enough to know if you should go or stay. I advocate doing what you love, of course, but be smart about it too. Maybe sticking around a bit longer, painful as it is, could be the better option – for now. Or not. You’ll know in time, yAnn! Good luck!
All of you are very nice. Thank you for these words of encouragement. :)
Melly, if I have 12k, I would definitely buy your artwork!