Someone made a comment to me recently, that I’ve been posting scandalous things on the blog. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I was being scandalous.
Nekkid bodehs? Don’t have.
Peekaboo cleavage? Ha. HAHAHAHA! Was that a joke? (Note to self: add ‘boob job’ to list of things to do when I turn 40)
Sexy ass? Nope. More like no ass.
And then it hit me: it was all those references to SHAGGING!
But you know, we are MARRIED adults. Goodness, of course we do not engage in frivolous activities like sex! I mean, why shag when you can file your taxes, water the plants, paint your toenails or feed the cats? There are a lot of things that you can do with your time. We are ADULTS after all. Tsk.
We are sensible people with great responsibilities.
Married people don’t have sex, for goodness’ sake.
Don’t believe me? Here is a conversation that Mr Thick and I had recently.
Me: Here, look at this. Are the two lines equally dark?
Him: Hmm. Looks like it.
Me: Okay, I’m ovulating then. We need to have sex. Tonight.
Him: Oh. (pause) Can we have durian first?
Me: Are you mad. Of course not.
Him: Oh. (pause) Can we have durian after then?
So yes, married people DO NOT HAVE SEX.
Now that we have got that cleared up, run along now. Shoo.
Photo by the v awesome Alywin