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You know those stories which start with “once upon and time” and end with “and they all live happily ever after”? Hah! Lies! This is not one of those I feel pretty and witty and bright posts. It’s more I feel pukey and shitty and frightful.

I haven’t had an appetite since I started shooting myself up with hormones. (Sidenote: I’ll bet that recreational drugs cost half as much as my jabs do and I’ll even get high for the money that I pay! Now, I just feel blah and miserable. WORST DEAL OF THE CENTURY.) This lack of appetite thing is v distressing for someone like me who lives to eat. Fried carrot cake! Nah. Hokkien mee! Sorry. Bak chor mee! Erm, no. O, taste buds, where have you gone?

Sobs.

And to compound matters, my stomach doesn’t like those extra hormones either, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. So I’m either nauseous or hurling out what’s left in my tummy (answer: nothing much) into the toilet bowl. This was what happened to me on polling day. Mr Thick and I were parked in front of the TV in the living room while I shuffled back and forth into the bathroom either to pee or to dry heave into the bowl. And just before the result for Aljunied was announced, I finally did a Merlion.

Sobs.

A quick fling with the vajayjay cam on Friday – very wham, bam, thank you ma’am it was – showed that my ovaries had sprouted more follicles. Now, they are the proud mamas of 20 follies, big and small! Well done, my darlings! No wonder I feel like SHIT. Dr Y (who is very handsome and cool and clever – if he is reading this) says that I am at risk for OHSS and tells me to eat more proteins and down more H2O.

Except. I am so bloody sick of eating egg whites! Every morning, my routine looks like this: wake up, jab, prepare a three-course Gourmet Protein Delight meal of half-boiled/boiled/fried egg whites (four to five), protein shake and protein-fied Milo. And my friends on the Internetz, let me offer you a piece of sage advice:

Egg white in any form still tastes like bloody sodding egg white.

Sobs.

Are you bored yet? Me too. Well then, here are some exciting news: the eggnoids are getting picked up on Tuesday! It feels too fast but well, it appears that these follies of mine are uber competitive. Hmm, wonder where they get that from, as am v laid-back and demure.

In the meantime, I am relying on the Dalton Academy Warblers to keep my spirits up as I try to placate my sulky tummy.

(PS How adorable is Darren Criss! Yums.)

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