My mind snapped to wakefulness this morning at 5am.I don’t know why, it just happened. I tossed and turned and tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t.
My body was aching and creaking in all sorts of ways from the activities of the past two days.
My left hip was sore, my lower back was grumpy, my feet were tired.
The little bubble in my belly flipped around a couple of times, as if to say, morning mama!
In the end, I got out of bed at 615am and decided to make breakfast.
French toast, it was decided on the spur of the moment.

I came to work and was excited about my tutorial today. There were chocolate bars that I had wanted to share with the kids.
But only half of them turned up for class, the other half decided to stroll in some 45 minutes later.
They were rushing to complete a project, they explained, but I had none of it.
Threw them out of the room and carried on.

And now, here I am, tired and cranky. But, as they say, the show must go on.
Lessons to be carried out. Lessons to be planned. Essays to be graded.
The next couple of weeks will be a little tough.

So Christmas is, erm, so 2011. Heh. But I was going through my photo archives on Flickr and I realised that I hadn’t written about the afternoon tea pack that I had put together for my friends. And I kinda like those pictures a lot (even if they are spike-worthy since they are not sharp)! So here you go.

I had wanted to make/bake something again this year, like what I did with the homemade strawberry jam last year. That had marked a turning point for me: I realised that buying presents can never really be the same as making something by hand. But between birthing classes, spending time with loved ones and running baby errands, I didn’t have the luxury of time to stew over the stove or oven as I had intended and decided to be a little less ambitious with my goal.

But I was adamant about putting my own little touches to the project, even if I am not exactly the most crafty of persons. And since I love having afternoon tea so much, I decided to turn that into a gift for our friends.

We got plain mugs from Ikea and initially, I wanted to try DIY glass etching but meh, no time. And I didn’t think people would like to receive tacky, gaudy coffee mugs screaming “MERRY CHRISTMAS 2011!!” so I left the mugs as they were.

I then spooned individual servings of hot chocolate powder topped with a mountain of marshmallows (cos that’s how I like mine done) and stashed each mug with a sachet and an earl grey tea bag (cos, erm, I love earl grey). Tie a jaunty bow onto the mug and then pack them into cute Father Christmas paper bags. Voila! An afternoon tea pack with love!

After Christmas, I came to the conclusion that I would really not like to receive thoughtless gifts anymore. Receiving something that you know wasn’t bought with a lot of thought or heart feels sad and a present that is bought because you need to gift someone with something is quite a waste of money. Goodness knows how many things are now stowed away in our storeroom because they aren’t things we can use or like.

For Christmas this year, I hope we can do something with a difference with our money, instead of buying meaningless presents.

So I turned 31 yesterday without much fanfare. Went to school, taught, and then took off to spend the rest of the day with my love.
Nothing was planned, everything was decided on the day itself, from the movie to the dinner venue.
No fancy restaurants either – dinner was at a little dim sum place at the heart of unglamorous Jalan Besar.
And then we went home where I spent some time playing with my cats.
The day ended with Mr Thick reading the Yellow Submarine e-book to the little guy.

There was no cake, no candles to blow out. There was no present.
Well, the real present will arrive on Saturday: tickets to watch Wicked!

So simple, so fuss-free.

I like.

I know, this is coming a little late. 2011 has already been done and dusted and we are well into 2012. Yes, yes, I am so yesterday but I was off having a wonderful holiday with my love so can you blame me for being just a tad late?  
And oh, what a year 2011 has been! I cannot remember any other year in which I have gone through such a tumultuous roller coaster ride. The highs were really high and the lows…well, let’s just say that hellish is a very, very apt word to sum it up. 
 
The year started off badly enough. We failed the IUI done over Christmas and I decided to go ahead with the laparoscopy, within a week of turning 30. Happy birthday to me. It wasn’t a major surgery, certainly, but it still came with its fair share of pain and worries. Thankfully, nothing abnormal was found and my womanly plumbing was cleared of any fertility doubts.
 
It was also at this time that we decided to make public our journey to become a family of more than two (humans). And without any hyperbole, I can safely say that it’s changed my life. Some tell me that I am brave to talk so openly about it but frankly, I have gotten over the hang up that infertility is something that is embarrassing to talk about. Infertility is a very, very difficult road to walk and more people need to understand that. If only it is as simple as relaxing and waving our legs in the air post-sex.
 
But it’s not.
 
For those of us who have gone through seemingly endless procedures, had our vajayjay poked and prodded, been told that normal conception is virtually impossible, the anguish is real. The depression is real. The pain is both physical and emotional.
 
Unfortunately and fortunately, talking openly about this has shown us who are the people we can trust and lean on in difficult times. Call me Little Miss Cynical but over the past year, I have found myself being ruthless about friendships. It became obvious to us that while some friends were truly keepers, others were not and we haven’t been overly sentimental about retaining these friendships. It just came to a point where I felt like I didn’t want to waste my energy on keeping up with those who didn’t take our lives and decisions seriously and who were never there for us.
 
On the other hand, the year has also helped me to get to know a brand new circle of lovely people, who were offering me support and encouragement during my toughest days. These are friendships that I hope to keep for a long, long time because their comments, tweets and text messages have been an invaluable source of strength to me.
 
We embarked on our first IVF attempt and it failed and that was that. We picked up the pieces and moved on. I was ready to jump to the next cycle immediately but we decided to switch to KKIVF due to financial reasons. The wait list to get our next cycle done was so long, we had to especially request to have it done by October. It was frustrating but on hindsight, that proved to be our ace card.
 
We switched off from procreating and decided to live like a carefree couple all over again. We made plans to travel, sought the help of a fengshui master who was highly recommended by my cousin, renovated east end and dedicated ourselves to being the humans of our two cats. I resigned from my job and went into teaching. We found new coffee places to hang out at on weekends.
 
And then the nugget came along.
 
We were shocked. Stunned. Gobsmacked. Speechless. Beyond belief.
 
It took us two years, seven IUIs and one IVF to conceive our little man naturally. It was almost as if the Big Guy Up There was trying to teach us a lesson in patience. Either that or He was rewarding us for our steadfast faith that we will eventually have a family of our own. We are not questioning Him in any case – we love the gift and we are keeping it, thank You very much.
 
Just like that, my year changed for the better.
 
I was going to be a mother, like I had hoped. I loved the new job, we fit like a hand in a really sexy satin glove. Husband and I went through Thick and Thin as we had promised in our marriage vows, and emerged better than ever. We survived infertility and the threat of him losing his job towards the end of 2011.
 
We can live through hell, as long as we have each other.
 
This year, as we said to each other, is the year where life, as we know it, changes. The little guy will join us in March and we will embark on a whole new adventure. There’s going to be some tough times ahead but I’ll bet my bottom dollar that the sweet moments will make any of that bad stuff look tiny and pathetic in comparison.
 
Wish us luck!
 

Turning 30 this year has been nothing short of life-changing. While I used to cringe at getting older in my youth, I’m not terribly concerned about it these days. Bring it on, I say. There’s always Botox (and a boob job), hah!

No, the change has nothing to do with the numerical sort. It’s more of a gradual transition in mindset.

It started when I decided to quit the rat race and go into education. The salary disparity would have put me off in my 20s but this time, it didn’t take me too long to throw in my resignation letter with one hand and hand in my acceptance letter with the other.

If you know me in real life, you would know that I am a very vain person. I love my bags and shoes and pretty frocks. Having that drastic pay cut would mean a pretty dramatic change in my, uh-hmm, shopping habits. Suddenly, though, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Yes, I still love the beautiful things in life but they no longer take precedence. If I can’t afford to buy my own Chanel purse, then so be it. The change in environment, better hours and joy in teaching would more than make up for the lack of a pretty handbag.

Also, let’s face it: I am not in any danger of looking like a bag lady. I have enough outfits to stockpile for the next year, post-delivery. In fact, I have more than enough and that should suffice.

Not a moment too soon after, the nugget popped into my life. And in the past five months, I find myself shifting more and more towards a simpler way of living. We cut down on eating in restaurants during the week days, skip the cabs in favor of buses and trains, go for budget holidays and buy things that are on sale or with vouchers. Our weekend plans include catching up with friends, exploring new coffee joints and jaunting about parks, not shopping at malls. We plan on staying in our HDB flat for a long, long time. Heck, we are now smuggling a bottle of water from home into the cinema instead of buying sugar-laden soda drinks. For the past three years, we have opted not to own a car and even now that we are approaching parenthood, we are looking at buying a vehicle that is functional and – dare I say it – cheap.

We are not completely frugal yet, we could do better, but we are definitely streamlining our lives.

And honestly? I love it.

In my 20s, I was chasing after a dream, both material and spiritual. I wanted to be somebody. I wanted that damn Chanel purse by the time I am 35. I wanted to be that woman with a fulfilling job, shiny hair and high heels. Now, the dream has shifted and I finally find myself feeling confident, happy and at ease.

I am still somebody – just not the person whom I thought I would be when I was younger.