The organised chaos


Sometimes, I wonder if others get assailed by insecurities the way I do.

And when I say insecurities, I don’t mean superficial thoughts like the way I look and all.
They are more of deep, dark demons that exist in the very heart of my core. Thoughts that give life to themselves, abetted by my very flighty imagination. Thoughts that can turn me from a sunshine girl to one who is curled up in bed, tears wetting her cheeks. Thoughts that make me close my eyes, hoping that they would be banished to the deepest of hell when I open them again.

They appear at the oddest times, sometimes brought on by a song or a book. Other times, they appear when I am sitting in the car and looking out of the window. And when these thoughts start creeping into my mind, I wish that I could be like the characters in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (a film which I failed to catch, sadly) and erase the unwanted memories. Delete the memories of my feelings, the overseas trip, the mistakes.

And then, I would look over at him and tell him that I am feeling insecure.
About him, about us, about myself.
He would smile and put his arms around me and suddenly, the thoughts are chased away.

The world is right again.

What’s Playing on iTunes
When I Look To The Sky from “My Private Nation” by Train

2 thoughts on “Insecurities”

  1. of course we do, at least i do. In the worst of times tat it happened, i prayed to be taken away if there is nothing left for me to do on this earth. Because it seems so meaningless to me. But everything is all right again when morning comes. My mask is in place and im ready to face the world.


Comments are closed.