The organised chaos, Werk

Green-eyed Monster

So the second day of work comes and goes.
I was seized by a thought early in the morning, when I saw a familiar-looking byline in Today: I don’t want to do this for long, I want to write for a living instead. I was overwhelmed with jealousy at the thought that she was doing what I so desire.

Went for tuition after work today and my student commented on my tiredness. She was very sweet, she made me a cup of hot, strawberry tea and then she asked me what my job was. I said “public relations” and her eyes lit up.
“I hear that it’s a fun job,” she enthused. I shook my head and told her that it was a tough one, where you have to deal with nasty clients, an endless flow of projects and the occasional snobbish journalist. She didn’t seem convinced but let the matter rest.

How I wish I could tell her that it isn’t as glamorous as it seems. That a life as a PR person is not just a whirlwind of parties and schmoozing. That I would rather write than be in public relations. But I have no choice, not since our country’s biggest publishing house turned me down, after interrogating me ruthlessly about my mediocre grades and second lower honours degree. They had demanded to know why I was not involved in any extra-curriculum activity in university when I had already explained that between school, tuition and Victoria Chorale, my hands were full. They didn’t care that I had good articles written from my journalism class, that I can really write, that I had a glowing testimonial from the CEO of my internship company.

Maybe I am not as good as I think I am. Sometimes, I envy the boyfriend. He’s really fabulous at web design and what’s more, he enjoys it. He can spend a whole day perfecting codes and all with the same intense concentration I employ while devouring books, magazines and newspapers. He’s recently won a web design contest and has been asked by his friends and acquaintances to design sites for them (which I think is a great compliment). I’m so proud of him.

But I will hang in there, because it’s my choice and because it’s a great opportunity for me to learn and gain experience. I refuse to feel resigned, I am still young and I don’t want to be pegged into a certain role.

On a happier note, I realise that my darling little nephew misses me! My mum was at his place visiting when she answered the phone. When she passed the phone to him, he thought it was me and shouted out my name in excitement. Once he realised that it was his mother (my cousin), he teased her in mock annoyance, “You again. Aiyah, I got nothing to say to you” and hung up. The nerve of a three-year-old. How I love him.

(PS Previous entry was deleted because upon second reading, I thought it was crap. Yes, I have a tendency to critique my own writing. Fur, I miss you and we’ll definitely meet up soon!)

What’s Playing on iTunes
Let Down from the album “OK Computer” by Radiohead

4 thoughts on “Green-eyed Monster”

  1. *hugs* u’ll be fine!
    then again, if only the men work and we women can just sit around drinking tea and admiring our manicured nails….*wistful*

    ok back to work..
    hope u’re feeling better girl!


  2. How come no one misses me and wants to date me out for dinner?
    I am feeling neglected.

    read: blatantly fishing for ” i miss you too ash” kinda comments here.

    Hang in there.
    I can so totally understand what you feel.
    Much as I am complaining so much abt my current work, it’s my choice to stay on. Nobody is forcing me. Circumstances, maybe.

    Just take pride in the fact that anything can be a gd experience, and we are gaining if we work rather than stay at home.
    Of course, there is the salary (albeit not much)

    Plus, we all know you can write and someday your abilities will be recognised in the way you want it to be. I am sure 🙂


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