Month: May 2005

I like the headline, there’s a nice ring to it.
Anyway, I am not that much of a genius to come up with this cool headline – it was conceived by my sub-editor, Danny. We celebrate mourn the last issue of our magazine due to the closure of the company. As to why the company is closing down, it is still a mystery but I’ll hedge my bets that lack of profitability has very little to do with it.

Anyway, as we sat down in the cosy confines of Cafe Brios, just chatting and laughing, it really felt like nothing has changed, that there was no closure and we were simply doing what we did everyday – having lunch and talking nonsense. But reality hit when we got back to the office and packed all our bags, while Angie the ever-efficient administrator bustled around informing us when to go down to the office tomorrow to collect our cheques. Our retrenchment cheques.

But I like to think of it as a good thing. The closure gives me, us, a time to reevaluate the path that we are taking and lets us take the chance to try something that we might not have done otherwise.

To my colleagues who always lets me know when they are reading my blog in the office (“Have you updated your blog?”), I would like to say this to you: Thanks for all the fond memories, despite the short duration of my stint. It has been an honour and a pleasure working side by side with you lot. You guys are truly the stalwarts.

Sirens
They sound, everyday. Day and night, you’d get to hear them at least once a day. Where are they going? Are they ambulances rushing off to save a life or police cars chasing a rogue down the Interstate? How does it feel to be in the thick of action, knowing that a second’s delay or a mistake on your part might end up destroying someone’s life?

They sing and dance every night, these sirens. In my lofty 26th storey view, I can see Treasure Island burst into flames, and song and dance. They are not modestly dressed, every inch of their skin exposed tantalizingly to the entranced audience. They flirt with the renegade “pirates”, which they are supposed to seduce, as well as with the minds of the people watching them. Do they represent Vegas? Perhaps so, the sirens in their glitzy lingerie and showiness.

Warm
Everybody needs sunscreen, especially in the arid strip of desert we call Las Vegas. The sun is always high up in the impossibly blue skies, flanked by fluffy tufts of clouds. And yet, you can almost forget the heat, not quite but almost, because it is never hot. Not hot like in Singapore, where the sun and the humidity conspire to rob you of your cool senses. There is always a breeze blowing, a respite from the heat waves.

Everybody here exudes it. From the moment you step into the shop, to the time you finish your meal and leave, it is always there. A cheery “how are we doing today?” or a friendly “you enjoying your stay here?” There’s no lack of sunshine warmth drizzling down on you.

Race
The plane remained stationary at the hangar, despite its purported departure time of 1813. I waited anxiously, willing the huge wings to start their engines. 40 minutes later, the engines finally roared into life and we were on our way. Upon landing at LAX, I rushed to the carousel and tapped my feet impatiently against the hard floor. Where was my bag? And why had I not tag it all the way to Singapore? It took a good 10 minutes before my bag materialised, bumps and slides and all. From then on, it was all about pure arm strength – pushing and pulling and cajoling the luggage to wheel speedily over the uneven ground, balancing the laptop and handbag on both shoulders. With just five minutes to spare, the bag was finally put onto the conveyor belt, securely checked and bound for home.

The queue moved rather smoothly as people came and left the check-in counters. All but one. A tall, bearded man with a Muslim name. He walked to the counter and from then on, it was hell. Where are you going? Where did you go? Why are you here? Why do you have a British passport? How much did you spend here? The words were all said with a smile but the intent was clear, post-911. A nation that is still smarting from the wounds of the attacks is not letting a second mistake get past its airport clearance once again.

The official word is out – I am currently shopping for a new job.

While I was away in Las Vegas, rumours reached me that the company would be closing down due to the lack of profitability. The editor confirmed the rumours when I got back and so, three months into the job, I am back to the elusive search again.

I’m neither shocked nor broken by the news. In a way, with all the changes that had been in the pipeline, I had an inkling that things were not going well. And in an odd way, I am blessed with a sense of optimism which tells me that things will right themselves sooner or later. Just as the company was my salvation from a life of PR drudgery, it will once again be the beacon that will bring me down the right path. Or so I truly believe.

I’m just glad that in my short time here, I had the chance to try almost everything there was to do in the magazine. I had a cover story, a column, covered everything from press conferences to one-on-one interviews with the head honchos of the various companies. I was wined and dined, shopped at Kuala Lumpur and enjoyed the breathtaking view of Las Vegas. Heck, I even had an iBook to work with.

In a way, that was all thanks to a wonderful team of editors that I had the lucky opportunity to work with, especially my very own editor. I never got the impression from anyone that since I was still a baby in the industry, there were things that I couldn’t do. The ed gave me the chance to explore and grow creatively, and made me believe that I could be just as good a writer as she is in time to come.

So what do I want to do now? I’m uncertain but I do know that I will definitely be writing again. Once you have tasted the fruit of passion, you never want to give it up and that’s how it is for me and writing. Who knows, maybe I will try out for lifestyle writing again, or remain in the tech industry. But this incident has taught me to never take things for granted, to never get lost in the ideal that something this good will always be there.

Thanks to all who called or emailed and asked about me, I’m truly appreciative. I received a call from fellow tech journo A, who was also a classmate during my university days, and I was glad that I had at least made a friend during this time.

At the same time, I just want to voice out my opinion that this is an intensely personal matter for me and I did not appreciate the fact that there were people who made available this piece of news in pseudo-public channels of communication, such as my blog and other interactions. In light of the fact that I was unfortunate enough to be out of the country when the news broke, I think that was highly insensitive. It was definitely unpleasant to have people come up to me and say “I heard that your company is closing down”.

While the road is hazy for me still, I want to have the power to believe that I can still make good this life. I want to believe that I still have the ability to chase my dreams and carve out a name for myself, doing something that I love.

I want to believe that there is still something this good for me out there.

I’ve lost track of time.
All I know is, I will be on my way home tomorrow evening, Vegas time, and I am so glad for it.

Because, you know, despite my wanderlust, despite my love for exploring the unexplored, despite my unbriddled joy in travelling, I am tired. And I am just not cut out for solo travel. And this is definitely a business trip, not a leisure trip.

When it comes to travelling, I need a companion. Some things in life are meant to be shared and embracing new sights and sounds is one of them.

Plus, being here on business means that all the events and activites have zonked me out. I tried to go exploring last night, and while waiting for a public show to start at Treasure Island, I actully fell asleep standing up. After the crass and crappy half hour show (involving scantily clad “sirens” and renegade pirates getting it on) ended, I went straight back to the hotel and watched Desperate Housewives till I fell asleep.

Vegas is one hell of a vibrant city and I can see how strong its draw is to people. Night feels like day and the streets are never empty. New hotels just spring out from nowhere, each with its own individual identity. There’s so much to see and so little time.

Perhaps next time then. Not on business, and certainly not on foot.

I managed to get some five hours of sleep. Darn, my eyebags are so huge now, I think my mum won’t be able to recognise me.

Last night, they brought us to catch the Cirque du Soleil production, Ka and boy, was it amazing! Despite having watched two previous Cirque productions and having my mind blown by both, Ka really takes the cake. The entire theatre was built for this show and the pyrotechnics and stage design was just amazing. The entire story was whimsical, mythical and fantastical all at the same time.

Okay, I fell asleep intermittently. It’s terrible, I was just so tired and the darkened theatre was just so conducive for sleeping. But it really was good, trust me. I wanted to get the soundtrack but the show is so new (having opened in February) that the soundtrack was only going to be out next year. Bugger.

Thank goodness for low-budget IDD calls. They have enabled me to make believe that the boyfriend is just a 15-minute drive away, rather than halfway across the world. It helps that he doesn’t sleep early and that by the time I get to bed, he can call and talk to me, just like we always do at home. I think we are really the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” kind of couple. Tsk.

Okay, off for a bath and a full day of events.