Arts & Entertainment

Bye bye FA Cup

I am so devastated.

I meant to sleep Manchester United’s tragic loss of the FA Cup off, shrugging it off as soccer, but I couldn’t. My mind kept playing images of Vieira picking up that piece of silverware and in my wild thoughts, I could reach out, grab the trophy from his arms and clunk him on the head repeatedly with it.

So heck. I know this is soccer but I am just going to say it anyway: Arse totally DID NOT DESERVE TO WIN THE CUP.

I was so disgusted with their playing today. Usually, I admire them for their classy flow of soccer, giving them credit for being creative and for playing so beautifully. Today, they were choppity-chop brutes, kicking and banging into the Man U players whenever they could.

I know that most people had felt the same about Man U when the two teams played earlier in the season and I’d expected that sort of physical behaviour to come from them but no, it was Arse(o) who surprised me.

The person I was most turned off by was Jose Antonio Reyes. He was such a blardy hypocrite. He seemed to have perfected the art of grimacing and looking pained. I think he would make a good substitute for Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, particularly in the scenes where Anakin behaved in very un-Jediish manners or was in extreme pain. EG. “Oh what have I done?” or “Ow Obi-Wan, you just mutilated me, you brute” sort of scenes. What did he do? He jumped at people, stuck his hairy legs out to trip them and generally shoved and pushed whenever he could. He must have learnt all those tricks from his teammates, also fondly referred by him as “bad people”. He deserved the red card, boo.

Another one who should have been sent out was Vieira. See, his trick was to basically ram into others while pretending that he was running at top speed and couldn’t stop in time. What a bull(shite). Lauren is another nasty piece of work, sticking his boots into Ronaldo’s shins whenever he can.

Man U, oh Man U, why did none of you score? Rooney had millions of chances, so did horse-face van Nistelrooy. And Scholesy, why did you have to shoot right into barmy Lehmann’s open arms?

It’s such a travesty, a robbery really. For Man U was the better team, they played magnificently, dominating the game throughout. They intercepted Arse(o)’s passing and made several swift breaks into the other side of the field. Rooney’s vision and shots were amazing. But the ball just did not meet the net.


I’m going to sleep now. Maybe tomorrow I will read with glee, news that tell of Vieira’s visit to the hospital due to the trophy falling onto his inviting, shiny, naked skull.