Today, as most Mondays go, was awful.
I staggered out of bed late. The feeling, of not being motivated enough to get up, sucks. Since when has life become like this, so lacking in energy and direction? Maybe it’s because I have done what I told myself never to do: stay in a job because I have to and not necessarily because I derive a sense of purpose and drive from it. It’s not that I dislike what I am doing now, it’s just that I don’t enjoy it as much as I did my previous job. I feel like a caged animal being cooped up in restricted confinements 24/7, when I desperately long to be out there.
I am grateful that I have a job, at least. Maybe if I tell myself that I like the things that I do now, instead of pondering when I will ever break out of the cage again, I will actually grow to like it. But does that count as compromising on my dreams and aspirations? Or do these things even exist at all? Am I back at the existing vs. living crossroads again, somewhat?
Maybe that’s why I like to escape to the gym. At least when I am there, I know what my purpose is, and I can relax and enjoy myself.
Everything started to fall.
Where’s it all going?
Can’t make any sense of it all.
Where am I going?
Some people who’ve heard my frustrations (you know who you are) tell me that everything will come in its own time. I know, I am trying. Things will sort themselves out in good time, I honestly believe that.
I want to believe that.
Like a starfish needs the water to survive, so do I my passion