Am I losing interest in singing with the choir?
After six years of non-stop participation, I have to admit that recently, I have started resenting the huge pocket of time practices take out of my personal time. It used to be that singing was such a big part of my life that I could not imagine myself without it. But things change, people change, the environment changes and I realise that my motivation and determination are not as strong as before.
Yes, I still love trooping overseas for competitions. Yes, I still love the thrill of performing under the bright lights of the stage. Yes, I still love spending the time with friends during and after practices. Yes, I still love tracking the progress of our songs, going from a mess of notes into perfect harmony.
But these no longer drive me 100% at each and every practice. Rather, they come in guilty waves, after I lose focus and question the reasons for sitting in a freezing room with 39 other singers, working on a phrase of music for the nth time. Yes, a sense of pride wells up in my when we finally get it perfect but I get restless, bored, just like a child would if you ask him to concentrate on a task for three hours.
The boyfriend and I were in the car one Sunday afternoon when I started musing on all the different activities that we could do when we quit the choir. We could go explore Singapore for photography sessions, check out new places to feast, bum by the beach, learn blading (me, he’s ace at it), relax at home with TV shows and DVDs…..the options were endless. Popartgirl, who has the same intent, has asked me to join her and her Joker of a boyfriend for their salsa classes despite my having two left feet and praying mantis moves. I could spend more time with the family, going out with the cousins. Heck, I could continue singing but on a different path, like starting something new with Clem.
It feels sad, as if I am slowly but surely losing a trusted friend who has been such an integral part of my life. I have been in a choir since 13 and the feelings of familiarity and warmth are there. But maybe it’s time to move on.
Hopefully, things will be clearer after July’s competition.
“!(imgcenter)http://static.flickr.com/18/23782448_139feb0978_m.jpg!(The good ‘ol days in Bremen, 2004)”:http://www.flickr.com/photos/yannie/23782448/
[Let’s play tag! victoriachorale]