The organised chaos

Losing it

Over dinner with the best friend one night, we started talking about an old schoolmate of ours. She had always been the life of the party, a rather popular character in school. The best thing about her was, she was genuinely nice and a wonderful friend to be with.

She would go to school with tiny plaits in her hair, wear the most funky shoes and generally had an artsy, creative vibe around her. We all thought she would end up in the creative line and kick some ass but ultimately, she chose to do corporate communications in a GLC.

She is still the same warm and sweet person but that boho side of her seems to have vanished. In place of that girl is a woman dressed in formal blouse and a black knee length skirt who is seemingly a conformist. That free-thinking air has all but dissipated.

It’s not a bad thing, the best friend and I agree, but it’s also something that we both miss in our friends. When they lose that edge, that facet that made them stand out from the crowd, we mourn that loss but also accept the new side of them.

Change happens all the time, for better or for worse. But how do we reconcile these changes, be the same person that we used to be and still move on ahead into the future?

Reading through my archives, I sometimes see the changes that I have gone through in the past three years. When I was younger, there was more angst, insecurity, doubt and confusion. I pondered, observed and I wrote with a fervent that seems to have vanished into thin air.

The melancholy was truly not the best companion one could have for the long-term but melancholy and a young woman on the cusp of adulthood do not make strange bedfellows after all. Now that the melancholy has packed its bags and left, I sometimes muse and miss that side of me.

Isn’t it strange, that all I ever wanted was to have a happy and peaceful life and when I do get my wish, I long for that darker side of me, that part of me that was so experimental and expressive in my writing. I don’t want to lose that silent, inquisitive side of me but at the same time, I want to be like a little sail boat bobbing on the waters in pure contentment, stretching under the comfortable embrace of the blue skies and sun.

Humans are terribly odd sometimes.

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