Feeling alone and helpless
So this is how it feels like, to know that something unwanted and possibly harmful is growing in your body. It may not come remotely close to the scale of devastation reserved for growths like tumours and cancers but it is certainly enough to shake me to the core.
As I laid on the bed in the clinic as the doctor examined me closely, I froze, not because of the chill of his gentle, probing fingers, but from the sense of helplessness. I couldn’t think, my mind was just not processing anything else other than the doc’s instructions to breathe deeply to minimize the discomfort.
And then it was over and time for the unpleasant diagnosis. While part of me was relieved that it was nothing life-threatening or serious, I was genuinely distraught that my body could not be in control, could not stop this invasion from happening. It made me want to curl up and be alone, it made me question if I haven’t been treating my body like a temple that is meant to be worshipped and taken care of. I thought I did but it probably wasn’t enough.
But thank heavens for little mercies. Hopefully, with a faithful adherence to the course of medication, I will be well again.
It may not have been anything remotely menacing but it definitely served as a timely and sharp wake up call for me. Youth is not a certainty against everything.