The organised chaos

Too tired

There are some days when I feel as if I have died just a little bit and some joy in me has been sapped away by Life.

It’s a big pot of frustration, impatience, disappointment, resentment and resignation that’s stewing. It feels as if it’s going to implode and break into a million little pieces.

It doesn’t help that the disappointment was caused by my own folly and lack of thinking. Why did I put myself down so easily? Why did I not show passion and fire to fight for what it is that I wanted? Why did I let myself stumble and fall into a corner? Am I really not as good as what they think, even though I had always believed myself to be more than just mediocre?

I’ve come to understand how it feels like when a loved one is on another continent, far from communication. It’s only been two days and I’m missing him already, like a hollow ache that wouldn’t abate. I wanted to tell him how miserable I had felt yesterday, how unhappy and stressed I had been today. But all I got was a miserly text and the possibility of zero contact for the next one week.

It’s so easy to put on a smile on my face and pretend that nothing bothers me. But when I am alone, the muddy thoughts swirl in my head and nothing, not even a brief respite, can drive them away. But I have responsibilities and I need to hold my head high and carry on walking down this path of my own creation till my dues are paid.

I’m tired but I need the strength to believe that it’s all going to turn out well.

Everything Else



Have been unavoidably detained by the world.
Expect us when you see us.

At the risk of sounding like a biased fangirl, I have to say that I enjoyed the movie very much.

I loved the book and even though the movie did not capture the full intensity of the book’s magical mystery (not many movie adaptations can make that claim), it was a truly delightful journey.

Much credit has to be given to Robert di Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer, who filled up the screen with their charisma. In his campiest and most outlandish role ever, di Niro has completely outdone himself and really, one can never look at him the same way again. The luminous Pfeiffer, on the other hand, vamped it up as the evil witch-queen who is bent on carving out Yvaine’s heart. Her obsessive vanity and incessant rage were brilliantly showcased in that slowly decaying body.

It helped, too, that they had the gravitas to carry their characters through much of the movie, which was slightly unwieldy. Charlie Cox was pleasant (and really cute!) in his role as Tristan Thorne, the boy who went off on a fool’s errand but he came across as bland and single dimensional. Claire Danes was beautiful as the star but I was slightly miffed that her happy-go-lucky character was not the despairing, sharp-tongued fallen star of Neil Gaiman’s creation.

Movies being movies, the screenwriters had tweaked a large part of the original storyline. The ending has been modified into a saccharine sweet, typical Disney movie denouement. But it took away the edginess that Gaiman is known for – the bittersweet fact that Yvaine had to live forever in loneliness after losing her one true love to mortality is one reason why the story resonates and feels so real.

But overall, I loved the feel of the movie, as superficial as it was. It made me miss the feeling of falling in love again and it made me wish I was born in the same magical world as Tristan was. Go catch it!

Everything Else

The Dark is Rising

I just saw the trailer for the movie of a well-loved book and it’s left me feeling deflated.

Somehow, the magical, mythical quality of Susan Cooper’s The Dark is Rising sequence is lost amid the loud bangs and technical wizardry. Will Stanton is supposed to be a quiet, unassuming young man who is wiser than his years suggest. And yet in the trailer, he comes across as a little brat who is nursing a huge crush on his schoolmate, something that is definitely conceived by the wildly imaginative scriptwriters.

The series has stayed with me throughout the years since I first picked it up when I was 11. I’ve read and re-read the books at least once a year since then and I have a suspicious feeling that much of the beautiful serenity has been transformed into huge, crazy effects.

It’s probably going to be a disappointing show. But on the upside, tickets to Stardust have been booked for Friday evening and I cannot wait!

Everything Else

Repeal Section 377A

The debate has been raging for a while now, thanks to NMP Siew Kum Hong’s call to repeal Section 377A.

I have gay friends and I love my gay friends. Their sexual preferences don’t bother me and it should not bother anyone else, not least the state. They are still human beings with lives to lead and dreams to fulfil. Just because they love someone from their own gender doesn’t make them freaks or a threat to society. And what they do in their bedrooms is none of my business – I don’t care and it doesn’t harm anyone.

So it astonishes me when people actually actively discriminate against homosexuality. The act of repealing is not going to turn this society into disarray. We are still going to function like the collected, cold economy that we are. The act of repealing is merely a symbolic act – it’s not going to have any effect on our lives except for the fact that we are now one step closer to giving our fellow Singaporeans their equal rights. It’s about recognising them for who they are and not penalising them just because they don’t fall into the norms that we grew up believing.

The law does not govern morality, so the law should not stay. If we are against racial and gender discrimination, then we should stand up against sexual discrimination too.

“I am concerned that if we don’t keep 377A, all the gays & lesbians out there will take it as a sign that they can become aggressive & harass/bother us (straight adults). As it is, they are already so bold.”

This knowledge that Singapore is a hypocrite (“based on justice and equality”, anyone?) disgusts me.

Health Goddess

Down but definitely not out

This has not been a good month for me, healthwise.

Two weeks ago, I found out that I suffer from giant papilliary conjunctivitis. My eyes have gone sensitive and are rejecting contact lens. That would explain the dryness in my eyes that I have had to suffer through for the past six months and the tiny bumps that my allergic eyes have caused to form under the eyelids. I’m now off contacts for one month and on two different eye drops everyday. Hopefully, the eyes will heal and I can go back to contacts. But right now, I am getting used to wearing glasses 24/7 so I’ll probably reduce the frequency of contact lens days in future.

Now, I have just been told that I have heartburn. Basically, acid from the stomach moves upwards into the esophagus and throat, causing discomfort (obviously) and a slight burning sensation. This, coupled with my extremely sensitive nose, has led to an ulcer forming in my throat. So that explains why my throat has gone wonky on me for the past five months.

I’m on meds for a month and have to restrict my diet because certain foods can trigger the reflux. That means no coffee, tea (!), carbonated drinks, spicy foods (!!), chocolate (!!!), tomatoes (!!!), all citrus fruits, milk, oil, cream and fat.

I’ve also been given meds to reduce the swelling in my nose and a cream to apply on the poor, burnt throat.

Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet but I’m not terribly upset, to be honest. I’m glad to have a reason to go off contact lens for a while because frankly, these lens are really not good for the eyes. As for the throat and all, I am just happy that it’s not cancer (which I had been worried about) but something as straightforward as heartburn.

Moral of the story? Please take care of your health. Who knew such a little body like mine can host so many problems?

Wedding March

Sparkling ring

!(imgcenter) sparkling bling)!:

Three months after we sent the ring in for re-sizing (because it’s virtually impossible to bring it down to four sizes, they had to create one for me), it’s finally back onto my loving finger.

It’s utterly, utterly gorgeous and I am so utterly, utterly vain that I can’t help but take a little peek at it every few minutes.

Mauboussin, you have a fan in me for life. Now, all the wedding bands that we have seen pale in comparison to it. Darn.

Silly things

Bunnies galore!

This is one of the cutest and best ads I have seen in a while now.

Dear Fallon, can I have a bunny please? Preferably the giant-sized red one standing in the middle of New York City?

Besides cute bunnies, I have been quite taken by some really ugly raving rabbids. They are stupid, bug-eyed, primitive and extremely hilarious. This is one of the most hilarious and ridiculous games I have ever played but it is so much fun! Some of the silly “trials” you have to pass in order to move on to the next stage: swing a huge cow by its chain to throw it as far away as possible, drown invading rabbids by squirting carrot juice into their diving masks, shoot the rabbids down with toilet plungers, play football with a rabbid as the ball, slap shut the toilet doors of rabbids doing their business or be shot at with toilet plungers.

Check out the video, it is so stupidly funny:

Two of Us

Why him?

Because he thinks I am cute when I get a little tipsy (try drinking 1.5 pints of Erdinger on an empty stomach in a little body like mine).

Because he doesn’t mind me dropping a sausage down his car. Well. At least I think I dropped a sausage. Never mind.

Because he says he loves me even when I am a little tipsy and mumbling a whole bunch of nonsense.

Because he thinks it’s cool if I walk down the aisle to this little ditty:

Health Goddess

I want to ride my bicycle

!(imgcenter) pink bike)!

I’m starting to feel the itch of riding.

It’s been yonks since I had last (and first, actually) gone mountain-biking and since then, my legs have been longing to peddle again. It’s hard to define why I really like it: it felt good to maneouvre past uneven ground, it felt good to be able to ride up slope (or die trying, anyway), it felt good to whoosh down the slope with the wind whizzing in your ear, it felt good to get all dirty and sweaty and muddy.

But it was rather torturous to get to the trail though. The boyfriend and I had to buy a rack, at the last minute. We drove down to East Coast Park to rent the bikes and after spending hours assembling the rack, we managed to attach them to the rack. But it felt so filmsy that he had to drive really slowly on the expressway to make sure the bikes don’t fall off. It felt so darn stressful.

I am liking that pink Kona Lisa though. Lovely, isn’t it? Though I wonder if I will have any street cred left. The Queen Kikapu sounds amazing too.
Christmas/birthday present, anyone?