The organised chaos

Beneath the mango tree

There are good days and then, there are the bad ones.

I’m not really part of the rat race, and yet the demands of juggling an impending wedding, a soon-to-be-ready house and household expenses can really wear me down. There are days when I long to throw in the towel and make my living as a freelancer but unfortunately, being financially independent also means I am on my own and quitting is not really an option. Maybe one day, when I am a mother and my priorities have shifted, I can finally fulfill my desire (it helps to have a supportive partner) but for now, I just have to suck it up and do whatever needs to be done.

But in times like these, it helps to have people who are around me, forming a ring of encouragement and fortitude to hold me up. Take my family, for instance. When I spoke of my indecision over getting engagement pictures done, my cousins were aghast.

“The money could buy me things for the house! Like…microwave ovens and vacuum cleaners!” I protested.
“How much can a vacuum cleaner cost,” they dead-panned. “We’ll buy one for you.”

And then, there is the best friend. One morning, when I was both stressed out over work and health issues, I texted her an SOS message out of desperation. She was amazing: she comforted me, made me laugh and said, “I’ll wait with you if you decide to do it.” Then and there, sitting at my desk in front of my ageing G3 machine, I almost cried. I have never asked for it but she has always given her support freely and willingly, no questions asked and with no judgement or bias.

There are, also, my two favourite boys. They make me laugh, hold my hands and are always there for me when I call them for a bit of a whine or moan. They exasperate me at times but I also know they love me as fiercely as I do them.

So, while I gripe quite a bit, deep down, I know that life is never perfect and this is so much better than it could have been. As Rie puts it so accurately, everyone has the right to whine, but know when to stop.

And so it is. There are good days and then, there are bad. I just need to take a deep breath, soldier on and learn to put things into perspective.

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