After waking up at 5am this morning for the race (no, I didn’t run because I am injured. But more on that later), I figured I would be tucked in bed right now. Instead, I made myself a cup of iced tea and browsed through fashion blogs and sites like a HDB lady of leisure.
Someone once asked me why I am not a fashion writer despite my obvious love for the F-word. Surprisingly, the thought of writing about the one thing that I love in my life is simply not enticing. Once something you love becomes your livelihood, it ceases to bring you amusement and excitement. Plus, as I had told my employers at the interview, I am not the fashion writer that they are looking for. Thrifting, budget shopping and street fashion are more my cup of tea, not going gaga over ridiculously over-priced, ugly monogram bags.
Maybe this is why, although the current topics that I write about interest me, I am just not interested in writing about them. A colleague summed it up best: “I felt a dilemma. I liked the camaraderie and cosiness of the team, I am interested in the topics but putting in so much effort to research for them made me not like them anymore.”
Seven months into the job, I am beginning to think that writing may not be the best career option for me. I am happiest when I am writing about everything and anything – sometimes it’s a movie that thrills me, or a song that’s playing on repeat mode (currently Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida”) on Ingrid or a look that I am into at the moment. Tell me to speak to dietitians and doctors and I zone out immediately.
It’s infinitely scary because this has been what I wanted to do my whole life and now that I am living it, I am finding that the dreams I once had as a child are no longer dreams but sad realities. Many have told me that I am not cut out for the corporate world but I suppose I should not shut the door on something that I have never really tried before. Who knows, I may just be really good at corporate communications and the like.
Am I at a crossroads of some sort? Perhaps. I’ve been pretty lucky so far, when it comes to opportunities, so I am crossing my fingers that Lady Luck will carry on smiling benevolently on me.