The organised chaos

About motherhood

Mr Thick and I have been married for less than a year and already people are asking me when we are going to have kids. How do I encapsulate all my feelings into one answer?

The truth is, I am rather conflicted. On the one hand, I am looking forward to having a child because I cannot imagine a life otherwise. I had enjoyed watching my cousins grow up and I love being around my nephews and nieces. I love reading baby and mommy blogs, and growing with them from afar. There is just no question that we would have our own children eventually. I love children, period.

On the other hand, I am terrified. Honestly, I am hardly the most well-balanced or patient or rational person. Will I be a good mother? Will I enrich my child’s life rather than ruin it? Will I be able to bring up a sensible, generous, kind, intelligent and good human being? Will we have the financial capability to provide the best for our children?

On a more selfish note, can we bear to give up the carefree life that we have now in exchange for a bawling baby who is dependent on us for his/her every need? Will I be able to withstand nights of interrupted sleep and days of changing poopy diapers? Will I miss being able to eat with both hands and having drinks with my friends on a lovely Saturday night? And the pain – oh labour pain and breastfeeding pain and of stitches and contractions – ouch!

I had left my gynae’s clinic just now feeling inspired and optimistic. Being surrounded by pregnant women and their gently swelling bellies had made me feel at ease and at peace. I suppose I can worry till I grow fat and wrinkly but the truth is, motherhood (and my biological clock!) is knocking on my door and I need to think about opening that door.

Perhaps one can never be fully prepared when it comes to having children.

Mini me – a very fussy young lady, says me ma.