Two of Us

Unintended cruelty

I was randomly surfing the net today when I came across a mommy blog. In her posts, the blogger shared insights on how hard and long a journey she and her husband took before conceiving their twins. And during this time, she wrote, they didn’t tell many friends about their problems and suffered in silence when people questioned them about their lack of children after being married for x number of years.

Besides the pesky “when are you getting married” and “do you have a boyfriend” questions, the other most annoying query to me is “when are you having children”. Of course, if the question was put across to me politely and in a non-intrusive manner, I would give my most honest answer: that, yes, we would really like to have a child next year. But it irks me when the older folks keeps harping on the issue, as well-intended their intentions are.

What if, like the blogger and her husband, we are also having difficulty conceiving? Wouldn’t such a question be like a dashing a sword through our hearts? It wasn’t too long ago that we made that decision but if we had been trying for a while now, aren’t these questions going to make us feel worse than ever?

This is why I don’t like to talk about the stork and its parcel with the parental units. Because until we see that line on the pee stick, the future is still uncertain. And because we have only been married for a year, I don’t see why there should be so much pressure on us to produce a baby, simply because we are the most likely candidates to start a family.

So far, my mom has been great about it. She’s advised me not to delay childbearing, using herself as an example (she had the Sista and I at 30 and 34 respectively, late by her generation’s standards), and then left me alone because she knows how I hate to be nagged at. The in-laws, on the other hand, are understandably more enthusiastic, given that Mr Thick is their youngest son and neither of his two married brothers have children. And it may sound disrespectful but sometimes, I really wish they would drop the case and stop asking these personal questions.

Because I don’t know when we will be able to start a family and it makes me feel miserable and frustrated when people are prying and poking around. There, I’ve said my fear out loud.

7 thoughts on “Unintended cruelty”

  1. hugz… I totally understand dear… *wry smile* I guess the silver lining is that we’ll know how to be a better empathetic friend to our friends who are in the same boat of waiting and hoping 🙂

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  2. I get that “when are you gonna get married” bs so much, especially so because we are renting and everyone seems to think their financial advise of asking us to buy instead of rent is soooo clever. I want to knock them in the head and tell them, “dude you think we don’t know?”

    I’m not getting married for a house. And it’s great you’re not having a baby just because you are one year into your awesome marriage. Time will tell what we will or decide to do.

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  3. I know their intentions are well-meaning but the endless prying just grates, doesn’t it?

    You are right, we shouldn’t get married just because we want a house. The decision is ours, we welcome your advice but it doesn’t mean what we are doing is wrong.

    Oh dear, I sound angsty, don’t I?

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  4. hugs babe. perhaps it has always been the way it is and they’re not sensitive to people’s fears. they’re optimistic!

    it’s bloody annoying. i used to shout people down, quite rudely in fact. till they got my point and don’t pry. i can be very direct and people get very uncomfortable. they’ve learnt not to ask me questions unless they’re ready to hear the answers. but it’s a tedious route. so i hope you don’t have to shout at them too. :p hope u can put it aside and not let them annoy you!

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  5. i can’t exactly shout at my in-laws but Mr Thick understands how I feel so he does act as a buffer. You are right, it is tedious! I just wish people would get that some issues are personal and you just don’t cross the line!

    Though I wouldn’t want to be at the receiving end of your shouting. 😛

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