Letters to

That summer day

Dear Tiny Human,

Remember that day when I said I was feeling positive? Turns out it wasn’t quite your month to be conceived. And I was devastated. Because I had really, really felt good about it.

Days like these make me want to throw in the towel. Forget about planning. Forget about hoping. Forget about wishing. I don’t want to be disappointed again. I don’t want to feel like crying. I don’t want to feel alone in my sadness.

But I can’t. Because I imagine holding you in my arms, marvelling at your itty bitty nails that I am so fearful of cutting, looking at the tiny pout of your rosy lips. And I think, I’ve got to do whatever it takes.

Sometimes, I don’t understand why it’s taking you so long to be in our lives. It’s not fair, you know, that others who don’t want a child as badly as I do get to have a miracle baby. Life’s just not fair!

If you are reading this, always remember: life doesn’t always go the way you want it to. It honestly sucks sometimes. And it’s going to be tough on some days, if you are lucky. Patience is never a virtue of mine and I hope that you do not take after me in this respect.

Still wishing and hoping,
Your Momma