The organised chaos, Werk

Hey hey hey

The course is finally over. Eight weeks of blood, sweat and toil, topped by the last week of frantic work, frayed nerves and determined solidarity.

We worked our asses off for the final presentation, all 25 of us. Staying back at the office till 1230am, 4am, 5am etc. on consecutive nights and still pulling in our weight at our day jobs – surely that has to count for something.

I’m glad we didn’t go into the final round hoping to win. All we wanted to prove was that we could do a good job, to show that we tried our darnest. And prove we did, because we eventually beat our peers and was named the best team overall, no mean feat because everyone was so amazingly talented and intelligent. We shone in front of the management, was celebrated by the entire agency and grew that much taller in the process.

What a journey.

The win almost made all the early mornings and late nights worth it. I say almost because today, I realised that victory came at a cost.

I missed out on helping a dear friend with her wedding. I was so tired at their ceremony today that I could barely keep my eyelids open. They have so sweetly requested for me to give a speech at their luncheon tomorrow and I have barely had time to think about it. Seeing them married made me smile with joy, but it was a smile tinged with exhaustion.

And going back to my mom’s place today, it suddenly struck me just how little time I have spent with her over the past eight weeks. I hardly called her because I was so spent at the end of every work day, and my Sundays were spent recuperating. Seeing her at home made me realise how lonely she was. Would I want to be my own daughter? I think not.

I’m such a poor excuse of a daughter.

So yes, I showed that I am an asset to the company in front of the bosses. They thought I was a confident presenter, and I am now part of a winning team. It felt good. But it is not without some guilt and self-reflection.

I need to step up.

(On the morning of the presentation, I had this song on repeat mode and it made me feel self-assured and confident. It made me feel like I could conquer the world. What an amazing feeling!)

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