Letters to


Dearest Tiny Human,

So many months have come and gone and I am still awaiting your arrival. I simply do not know how to feel anymore.

Oh I feel a lot. Melancholy. Sadness. Frustration. Impatience. Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. Everything churns together at the pit of my heart and sometimes it’s too much to bear. So I cry. Oh do I cry. There are so many tears that have been shed in secret in the bedroom, in the shower, on the train, in my mind. So many of them gone unseen and unnoticed by your father, and yet just as many wiped off my cheeks by him as he holds me, stroking my back in a desperate bid to sooth my sobs.

There’s so much anger in me these days that I sometimes cannot recognise myself. I am mad at my in-laws for automatically assuming that the reason(s) why you are still not with us arise from me. I am so mad at myself for not living the life that I had envisioned. I am so mad at the universe for always, always throwing a spanner in the works when it seems that, for once, things are going my way.

I hope that in your life, you will never have to face the struggles that I have had to go through. I know this is unrealistic, especially given that you are not even made yet. But my dearest, when you meet with such setbacks, please do not be like your mother and bottle it all up.

Talk it out. Rationalise. Come to a compromise and, more importantly, an understanding. Because, really, there is nothing better than to be able to confide to someone who will always be there for you, no matter how ugly you may think your thoughts are. It may be your parents, it may be the life partner that you have chosen, it may be your best friend – doesn’t matter, just talk.

And please, my love, do not ever think about running away the way I do. Goodness knows how often I have entertained thoughts of just leaving this place, going to a new city to live by myself. Yes, I am not a strong person and I admit it. I wish I could be stoic about this but I’m only human. And my shield cracks sometimes. And then I want to run away from all these hurting.

So please be here soon, will you? Because I just don’t know how much more disappointment this little heart of mine can take.

Loving you already,
your momma

The organised chaos

Just take my hand

So I have been in a very bad place for the past two weeks.
I’ve just been so angry at everything and everyone.
Mad at those who make assumptions about me.
Who chuck the blame on me.
Who don’t understand me.
Mad at the universe.
Mad at the ingrates and morons I deal with at work.
It’s just not fair.
Yes, I am ANGRY.

But who says that life is easy peasy?
It’s not – sometimes it just sucks.
I had all these ranty words just waiting to be typed out on my no-longer-white Ingrid MacBook.
I was all ready to rawrrrrrrr.
And be super emo and angsty.
(PS Ingrid just zapped me with a little wave of electricity. Oh, brilliant.)

I found myself going to my cousin’s little shop twice in as many days.
Don’t know why but I just felt like being there.
Surrounded by the beautiful clothes, the noisy feminine chatter, the warm sisterly love.
And I was happy.
I felt lucky.
(Of course, I also snagged some beautiful clothes for myself.)

Now, I have a cat squashed between my ass and my chair.
And I don’t feel like typing angry, ranty words no more.

I just really, really, really want to run away from it all.
Arts & Entertainment

Meekus and the vampires

Thank you all so much for your kind words about our trash the dress pictures! Yes, we did have a lot of fun during the shoot and the photographer thinks that it makes us a pair of camera whores. Meanie.

Anyway, there are more pictures that I really want to share with all because they are so nice. I am not claiming any credit – it all goes to Alywin and his fab skills. But I have been stuck to my iPad recently, rereading all my Southern Vampire Mysteries books again because, well, the next book is not coming out till May and the fourth season of True Blood starts in June next year. I mean, the actors haven’t even started filming yet! Gah.

In the meantime, here’s a gif that makes me laugh everytime I see it. Who knew that my favourite blood sucker was in Zoolander years ago before he was a buff soldier (in Generation Kill) and a BAMF vampire?

Fun under the sun, yo
Two of Us

Err, I think we did it

Dear wedding dress,

Let’s be clear. There is no way I will be able to zip up in you in the near future. As it is, I could barely squeeze myself into you, two years after the wedding. It’s nowhere near catastrophic but sort of tragic. That’s what happens when you only go for yoga these days.

Anyway, the whole point in spending $699 on a frou frou white dress is so that I can wear it again somehow, right? Before this, you were just sitting in my wardrobe, sparkling in the musty darkness. Even though you now smell of sea brine and all sorts of nasty, it doesn’t make me love you any less. But between keeping you pristine (and possibly turning yellow) and creating new memories, I choose the latter.

Since we wouldn’t go together sooner or later, let’s just part ways amicably, with happy memories in our pockets.

your owner.

Pictures taken by this awesome photographer I know named Alywin. More hedonistic things done to the wedding dress here.