Dear wedding dress,
Let’s be clear. There is no way I will be able to zip up in you in the near future. As it is, I could barely squeeze myself into you, two years after the wedding. It’s nowhere near catastrophic but sort of tragic. That’s what happens when you only go for yoga these days.
Anyway, the whole point in spending $699 on a frou frou white dress is so that I can wear it again somehow, right? Before this, you were just sitting in my wardrobe, sparkling in the musty darkness. Even though you now smell of sea brine and all sorts of nasty, it doesn’t make me love you any less. But between keeping you pristine (and possibly turning yellow) and creating new memories, I choose the latter.
Since we wouldn’t go together sooner or later, let’s just part ways amicably, with happy memories in our pockets.