Health Goddess

Being there

Okay, this is a bit of a rant so skip it if you don’t want to read the words of a ranty woman. Also, this site is slowly becoming the infertile blog. NOT! I have a life, meh. Most of the time. When I am not stalking forums.

Anyway.

Ever since we came out of the (infertile) closet, the people around us have been tip-toeing around us in trepidation. It’s almost as if they are afraid that if they reached out to touch us, we might collapse and fall apart and die. Okay, the person they were really frightened of was me. Nobody was really thinking that husband would burst into tears if they asked him, how are you?

I used to take it personally and find it very insulting. Come on, we have gone through more than six months of treatments and nobody guessed a thing so what makes you think that I can’t handle this? But then, my very wise friend who is ruling the prairie right now said rightly that it’s a good thing people are sensitive about it and so I listened to her advice.

Maybe it would be better if everyone looked at infertility as a medical condition instead of this horrible societal abnormality. Because at the root of it, it IS a medical condition. I mean, just because some people get pregnant simply by breathing doesn’t mean we all can, right? It is like an illness, something that needs to be closely monitored and medicated in order for it to get better. You don’t tell someone suffering from breast cancer to “just relax and the cancer will go away”, do you?

Now that I am on this wretched bandwagon, I totally get how people say “you don’t understand”. Because, you DON’T. You won’t understand how it feels having to go through jabs and pills every month. You won’t understand how it feels to have the doctor look all the way up your retroverted uterus with that wand thingy as you lie there in semi-nekkidness. You won’t understand the excruciating physical pain that I suffered at the hands of my ridiculously overpaid gynae. (EX-gynae actually, I sacked her after she got her nurse to call me and tell me to move on to IVF. Bitch.) You won’t understand the hurt that builds up when family members automatically assume that you are the problem. It’s like I cannot quite understand it when my Sista laments about my nephew who does not sleep at night. I haven’t lived through it and so I can empathise but not quite grasp.

But just because you don’t understand doesn’t mean you cannot ask. Now that I have outed ourselves on the World Wide Web, it shows that I am not embarrassed. And if I am not at all interested in telling you about how our treatments are coming along, trust me, YOU CAN TELL. One of the best ways to be there for a friend battling an illness is to try and understand. Sadly, I think a lot of people fail on that count when it comes to infertility because all they need to do is to “just relax” and have sex, right?

And for the record, I do have a core of steel. If you read up on IUI/IVF procedures – part of trying to understand, you know – you will see that it is the WOMAN who goes through EVERYTHING. All the man needs to do is take supplements and DIY into a cup. So fuck you if you thought I couldn’t stand the stress of being asked about the treatments. I’ve held it together for the past six months with a full-time job and it’s more than what you can ever imagine. Just ask husband.

Ahh – it feels so good getting it out of my non-existent chest. Normal transmission about other frivolous topics will resume shortly.

15 thoughts on “Being there”

  1. I do feel quite sad and anxious for you but on the other hand i also like to read your blog even more cos of the raw honesty. Take care i hope the story ends with a happy ending/beginning.

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  2. Hi Yann,

    I stumbled on your blog in 2009 when I was planning our wedding. The wedding came and went and today, as I was reading through my blog archives, I came across your blog again. This entry struck a chord with me because we are going through similar challenges. I’ve also wrote a couple of entries on the matter on my blog. Just dropping a note to say that you’re not alone.

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  3. Hi, I stumbled into ur blog on another blog which I stalk once a while. Me too also going thru those medical check ups, blood tests, and scans… results was that we both are healthy and gyna suspect my tubes block. I am going for a day surgery for the tubes blockage stuff and hope everything will go well. I am not really “die die must have babies” kind of a person, in fact I want to have one becos I want to complete my “job” as a wife for the husband and for our families. Nowadays alot of women like us are trying hard to bake the bun. Never give up and keep trying. Jiayou!

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  4. Woah, thank you ladies!

    Hi Rustyslave – have you gone through the HSG? It can tell your doc whether your tubes are blocked or not. Don’t worry, the laparoscopy is not that bad although I did take a while to get rid of the GA circulating in my body. Best of luck! 🙂

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  5. Hi Yann,

    This entry of yours struck a chord about what I’m going through too. Sometimes, I too don’t understand why the woman has to do EVERYTHING and endure all the pain, frustrations and awkwardness. All the “homework” that the gynae prescribe always fall on the woman. I guess cos we women are sturdier than men would like to think. So chin up and hang in there!

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  6. Hi again, What is HSG stand for… for a min it sound familiar. I dont think i have gone thru that cos the gyna give me 2 suggestion, either use the dye or go for Opt which I choose the latter. Gyna say I have a thickening in my womb less than 1 cm which she say it not the cause or does it affect me of trying to get preggie. I choose the opt cos she told me if it blk then she can “unblock” it. I just wa to get things clear in my body so maybe after we can try. I somehow got abit worry after reading ur blog regards to the after effect of the opt. It my 1st time going under the knife.

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  7. Hey Rustyslave, HSG is the dye test lah. Don’t worry about op! I just like to moan sometimes. The pain is honestly minimal but it was the GA that got to me. But that’s cos I have quite a small frame and I don’t drink regularly. So I slept a lot and ate very little because of the sore throat. It was my first time too. 🙂 The incisions are tiny – one at the belly button and one above your pelvic bone – and they are hardly noticeable!

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  8. Hi, again… maybe we should exchange email / msn… haha.

    I am not really worry abt the opt since is general anstip. What I am worry is after the opt… I am also like u, small frame and HARDLY drink… I hate to vomit too. After the opt will get sore throat too… my god… after ur opt what did ur doc say? Will it increase the chances of getting preggie?

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  9. One of my pet peeves are doctors who think they are god and treat patients like digits. Their insensitivity at times when we need it most really gets to me. It makes me wish that sensitivity was a requirement before they get the required certification. Felt so mad for you when I read about your ex-gynae. So glad you found a good and kind dr.

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