There, you’ve done it. All of you.
Ever since we came out of the closet, I’ve received a lot of comments and encouragement, both on this blog and in private correspondence. I’ve got people writing to me and telling me that they are struggling like we are. In fact, my site has never been more popular!
And now that I have had such a wonderful response from everyone, I can’t possibly stop talking about this, can I? And so even though I have said that this is not an infertility blog, this is fast becoming an infertility blog. I’ll try my very best to have a life outside of eggs and spunk but you may have to pry my cold dead hands from the computer as I stalk the forums and read up all about IVF.
I mean, it’s YOUR fault for liking all my angsty posts.
In truth, I had been thinking about whether I should go public with our situation. Well, as public as this blog can get, anyway. If this is just about me, I would have, trust me. But because this involves Mr Thick too, I wanted to respect his and our shared privacy.
The plan had been to keep everything quiet and then TAHDAH! announce it when the sperm finally meets the egg and settles down nicely in my womb. BUT – writing helps to take the edge off my negativity and I found myself composing blog posts about how sad I was, how angry I was, how despondent I was, how hopeful I was. And I realized that I couldn’t keep it under wraps for long because I might EXPLODE from the sheer force of it all.
Also, it was becoming increasingly clear that his boys and my girls are not keen to hook up. At all. Good to know that we can spawn potentially prudish children but they need to be LESS PRUDISH NOW so that THEY CAN ACTUALLY BE SPAWNED.
Sometimes I wonder if our turn would come, that we will have our happy ever after. Because the thing with undergoing IVF is that you no longer have a safety net, this is probably your last shot at conceiving a biological child of your own. Back when we were going through the IUIs, I knew that there was a chance it would come to this. I would hope that this is it, this is the cycle that works but have this gut feeling that it wasn’t.
Really? We can’t just shag and make a baby?
But truly, I am so glad that I came to the decision to come clean, with husband’s blessings. The outpouring of encouragement has been wonderful. During my darkest moments, I wrote a couple of locked posts addressed to my non-existent unborn child. The hope is that one day, there will be AN ACTUAL CHILD reading these posts. I’m unlocking them now since there isn’t a need for me to keep it under wraps.
In the meantime, welcome to my world.