The universe hates us

This morning, we received some depressing news: the remaining three embryo siblings of Bryan and Bryna have stopped developing and we will not have any embies to freeze.

Wow.

That means, if neither Bryan nor Bryna implant, we will have to do a fresh cycle all over again the next time round. It is going to be the works all over again – daily injections, scans, bloodwork etc. Back to square one, let’s start at the very beginning again.

Needless to say, I was all choked up after ending the call with the very nice embryologist. Doubt and worry flooded my mind. What if the two embryos in me are of similar quality and do not develop? Does that mean this cycle is a bust? After all the time and effort I had put in?

Right from the start, the odds have been against us. During stimulation, I was in quite a bit of discomfort. All that nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea and lack of appetite! I can’t recall the last full meal I had. All these ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome symptoms were supposed to manifest AFTER the administration of the HCG trigger shot and I was having them BEFORE the damn injection.

Thankfully, the doc prescribed me a medicine that helped to curb the symptoms BUT (there is always a BUT) it gave me the additional side effects of gastric pain and nausea. So I have had to take one more drug to alleviate the gastric.

Anyhow, our statistics don’t look too good. Of the 16 eggs retrieved, only 9 fertilized and by day three, we were down to five. The best two – Bryan and Bryna – were transferred and well, we know what happened to the other three. All my hopes of day five transfer and frozen embryos flew out of the window.

Right now, all I can do is hope for the best even if chances of success are slim. I have tried my best, I have borne all the physical discomfort with as much grace and dignity as I could muster. I couldn’t have done anything more to change the outcome.

And so we wait.