On days when I wonder if I can be a good mommy to my Tiny boy Human, I look at this picture that I took of my Sista and Rai and I feel calm.
This is the stretch of pregnancy where we are coasting.
Gone are the days of perpetual sickness, gone is the cloud of fatigue that hangs over my every move. These days, I have energy and appetite, both of which make me a very happy camper. We’ve – okay, I’ve – bought up a storm, packed the bundles of clothes that the nugget has inherited from his big brother Rai and got all the decorations ready for his nursery.
I took my very first class this week and I am so very happy with my decision to switch careers. Granted, I don’t have to deal with admin bullshit yet and my time is spent only on teaching so the glasses are still rose-tinted from where I am perched. I’ve yelled at naughty kids (who were tossing a rubber lizard at the girls!), laughed at their silliness and smiled at their willingness to try. The bosses have been warm and encouraging and honestly, I can think of no better environment for a pregnant woman to nurture her baby in.
The nugget’s been letting me know that ooh boy, caffeine makes him a jumpy baby. Twice in the past week I have downed merely half a cup of teh-si and both times the Tiny Human made himself known immediately after the deed was done. There was a series of wriggles which made me giggle and a couple of flipping moves. I’m not sure if he likes it or he hates it but I am hoping it’s the former because mama here can’t live without her tea.
Husband still can’t feel the buttery movements of his little boy yet but he’s taken to whispering to the belly at bedtime. When I ask him what he is saying, he tells me that it’s a secret between father and son. Hmph, a boys’ club already?
We went for a friend’s wedding luncheon over the weekend and I was delighted to find that I could fit into a pre-pregnancy dress. A pretty frock, some makeup and a whimsical clutch – it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy.
(PS Girlfriend X’s FET is successful! Send a happy, congratulatory thought her way, will you?)
The last two posts that I had written during my first trimester. Hurray! We’re done! I know, bet you are sick of this unlocked business. Me too. So there you go, the most important posts of all. Tahdah!
Bao bao: why the nugget is called the nugget and fingers crossed that he does not inherit his Dad’s sense of humor
Tyranny: how the kid’s been dictating my life, the little bugger that he is
With the impending arrival of our Tiny Human, it’s all too easy to forget that at the heart of it all, we are still us.
Kids will grow up, get married, move out and have their own lives. But me and him, we are in for the long haul, till death do us part was the promise we made.
So amidst all that talk about the nugget and how excited we are to become parents, I must remember to hold on to the fact that I am his wife and he is my beloved.
We are not perfect beings but we are perfect for each other. And that’s all it matters.
Dear Tiny Human,
I finally feel pregnant.
You would think that after incubating you for the past four months, what with all that nausea and exhaustion and expanding belly, I would have embraced the whole experience of expecting a child naturally. Instead, I find myself wondering why I am not crying at scans and why I haven’t had that ecstatic happiness that I had always imagined.
Maybe I just wasn’t ready to accept that I am well and truly pregnant with you. There’s still the sense of disbelief, the feeling of “really? Pregnant?”.
But earlier this week, the feeling came over me all of a sudden. One minute I looked like I had had too much to eat at the buffet table, the next minute I looked like I had swallowed the entire buffet spread AND the table for good measure.
I looked properly pregnant.
Of course, the icing on the cake is that I finally felt you move. You see, all through my adult life, I was plagued with IBS symptoms. My stomach is NEVER calm and always, ALWAYS gurgling. Every night before I sleep, I can feel the stomach acid surfing around in my tummy.
So when people ask me if I could feel your movements, I told them I wouldn’t be able to tell between your karate moves and my dancing stomach juices.
And then one night, after hearing my friend P talk about her baby’s movements, I decided to spend some time just paying attention to my bun in the belly. I put Norah Jones on the speakers and just laid in bed with my hands flat below the belly button.
Lo and behold, as I was breathing out, I suddenly felt something go ‘pop’ below my skin.
And then it happened again.
And then I felt a trail of bubbles floating and fading under my hands.
It felt magical.
It was you.
I hope you are having fun in there, growing up a storm.
All my life, I have been the good daughter.
Nobody needed to nag at me to study hard, I hardly gave my mom any cause for worry and I think I was pretty much on my own most of the time. I’m not saying that Sista was a trouble-maker but definitely, her more spirited and rebellious approach towards life had Mom worrying all her life.
Then came my mama’s call last week. She rang me and asked me who would be taking care of me during my confinement period post-delivery. That got me all confused: I had assumed that it would be her since she had helped my sister out after her delivery. Mom was all, no no no, I can’t do it! I have to take care of Rai, you have to hire a confinement lady.
When I heard it, my heart sank. Maybe it was due to the hormones, maybe I was just feeling all the angst from years gone by, but I was really, really sad. I kept it out of my voice and told Mom calmly that we didn’t want a confinement nanny and that I’d be alright since Mr Thick would be taking leave to help out. We would cater confinement food and we’d be fine.
The relief in her voice was so apparent. Happy that the crisis had been averted, she continued the conversation waxing lyrical about my nephew.
And thank goodness for the Twitterverse! Many girls replied and said that they had faced similar situations. Nobody dismissed my message or trivialized my feelings, and many tweeted their support. I know it sounds horrible but I was very glad that I wasn’t the only one feeling that way.
In the end, I had a good cry and my godsister rang me up to hear me sob into the phone and to offer her take on the situation. I moped for a bit and then decided that there was no point in moping because this wasn’t something that I could change. Instead, I told myself that I would be happy not to have to go through confinement, something which husband and I had agreed upon right from the start.
All’s well ends well though. A couple of days ago, Mom called me to tell me that she would be spending two weeks with me after my delivery. Sista would be taking leave to take care of Rai, freeing up my Mom to be, well, MY mom.
I don’t know what changed between phone calls but I was so, so glad. I’d willingly down ginger food and longan-red date tea just so that I could have my mama take care of me.
Woah, it’s been a week since I last posted. Where the heck have I been and what the hell did I do with my time?
Well, in short: SHOPPING. Ms Nise-en-Scene, my darling girlfriend formerly known as the Queen of the Prairie, is currently in the States now and she has ever so kindly offered her apartment as my warehouse. Armed with her address, I started shopping up a storm, buying baby essentials from baby video monitor to swaddle blanket to itsy bitsy outfits that are too adorable for any eager mama to resist.
Don’t worry, I didn’t go overboard. Like I said, they were essentials and so much cheaper! I don’t understand why we need to pay upwards of $300 for a baby monitor here when I could get a perfectly functional one for all of US$99.99 from Amazon, replete with 4.5-star reviews. Bloody hell.
My time was also spent with meeting up with friends, most notably the warm and wonderful notabilia. We spent an afternoon together at The Orange Thimble, just chatting about everything and anything. And the lovely lady also handed me the Design*Sponge at Home tome, which I had won. Yay!
I’m usually a little hesitant about meeting online friends – because I am a bit of an awkward introvert and suffer from the foot-in-mouth syndrome – but she really put me at ease. When I meet people like her, it makes me glad that I am part of the digital age. She conducts bookmaking courses so if you are crafty and have an interest in creating something, please go sign up. I hear she’s a great teacher.
There’s a bunch of posts all crammed in my brain right now and I need to put them down into words proper. Meanwhile, please enjoy two more posts that I had written during my first trimester.