Bun in oven, Letters to

You’re mine and I’m yours

Dear Tiny Human,

I finally feel pregnant.

You would think that after incubating you for the past four months, what with all that nausea and exhaustion and expanding belly, I would have embraced the whole experience of expecting a child naturally. Instead, I find myself wondering why I am not crying at scans and why I haven’t had that ecstatic happiness that I had always imagined.

Maybe I just wasn’t ready to accept that I am well and truly pregnant with you. There’s still the sense of disbelief, the feeling of “really? Pregnant?”.

But earlier this week, the feeling came over me all of a sudden. One minute I looked like I had had too much to eat at the buffet table, the next minute I looked like I had swallowed the entire buffet spread AND the table for good measure.

I looked properly pregnant.

Of course, the icing on the cake is that I finally felt you move. You see, all through my adult life, I was plagued with IBS symptoms. My stomach is NEVER calm and always, ALWAYS gurgling. Every night before I sleep, I can feel the stomach acid surfing around in my tummy.

So when people ask me if I could feel your movements, I told them I wouldn’t be able to tell between your karate moves and my dancing stomach juices.

And then one night, after hearing my friend P talk about her baby’s movements, I decided to spend some time just paying attention to my bun in the belly. I put Norah Jones on the speakers and just laid in bed with my hands flat below the belly button.

Lo and behold, as I was breathing out, I suddenly felt something go ‘pop’ below my skin.

And then it happened again.

And then I felt a trail of bubbles floating and fading under my hands.

It felt magical.

It was you.

I smiled.

I hope you are having fun in there, growing up a storm.

Love, mama