Bun in oven, Letters to

You’re mine and I’m yours

Dear Tiny Human,

I finally feel pregnant.

You would think that after incubating you for the past four months, what with all that nausea and exhaustion and expanding belly, I would have embraced the whole experience of expecting a child naturally. Instead, I find myself wondering why I am not crying at scans and why I haven’t had that ecstatic happiness that I had always imagined.

Maybe I just wasn’t ready to accept that I am well and truly pregnant with you. There’s still the sense of disbelief, the feeling of “really? Pregnant?”.

But earlier this week, the feeling came over me all of a sudden. One minute I looked like I had had too much to eat at the buffet table, the next minute I looked like I had swallowed the entire buffet spread AND the table for good measure.

I looked properly pregnant.

Of course, the icing on the cake is that I finally felt you move. You see, all through my adult life, I was plagued with IBS symptoms. My stomach is NEVER calm and always, ALWAYS gurgling. Every night before I sleep, I can feel the stomach acid surfing around in my tummy.

So when people ask me if I could feel your movements, I told them I wouldn’t be able to tell between your karate moves and my dancing stomach juices.

And then one night, after hearing my friend P talk about her baby’s movements, I decided to spend some time just paying attention to my bun in the belly. I put Norah Jones on the speakers and just laid in bed with my hands flat below the belly button.

Lo and behold, as I was breathing out, I suddenly felt something go ‘pop’ below my skin.

And then it happened again.

And then I felt a trail of bubbles floating and fading under my hands.

It felt magical.

It was you.

I smiled.

I hope you are having fun in there, growing up a storm.

Love, mama

2 thoughts on “You’re mine and I’m yours”

  1. the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen and experienced, was placing my hand on my friend’s belly many years ago and actually seeing the outline of side of the baby’s whole leg stick out. It was weird and wonderful. My friend said it looked like an alien but she was excited too. We were having ice cream then. Chocolate. Her son is now 9 years old, but that moment is still so magical for me. The first time I ever saw life within the belly. Her son still LOVES chocolate ice cream 😉


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