Motherhood

A little positivity

There are days when I feel that motherhood is a thankless job.

The late night feedings are getting to me, I am perpetually tired. Aidan has suddenly stopped sleeping in the day, no matter what I do. He fusses and yells at night when it’s time for bed. The Tiny Human is still not at the age where he can interact with the Big People.

Every day, I wonder if I know what I am doing. And I find myself struggling like I have never struggled before.

But then I look at Mr Thick interact with our boy and I smile. He loves our little man unequivocally. He cradles our crying son with such tenderness at five in the morning, when all I want to do is bury my head into my pillow. He thinks that every little fart that the little fart emits is hilarious.

His love for our son is unconditional.

Yes, it’s not easy. Yes, some days I would feel like crying. Yes, it feels as if there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel.

But all I need to do now is to plow on. Take everyday as it comes. Learn to embrace parenthood and my new identity as a mother. Let go of my need to control and just be there for my son.

He’s just a little person who is getting used to us and the world as much as we are getting used to him.

And then I heard this performance on Britain’s Got Talent and it reminded me of how long and arduous our journey to parenthood has been. Now that we are finally here, I should learn to see the joy in things.

As my friend P says, the days are long but the years are short.

11 thoughts on “A little positivity”

  1. the sleep deprivation must be the hardest. I can’t imagine doing what you do. Even without a baby to look after I suffer from chronic fatigue, so I can understand how overwhelming it can be. I think you should vent as much as you like. Venting always helps. I am sure other mums can relate. In a way it’s like a new job (a 24 hour one) but without a manual or instructions..like being thrown into the deep end? That’s what I imagine but I have no idea. Being as paranoid as I am I would be checking the infant’s breathing every minute. I am really nervous about handling newborns….always worried I might accidentally trip and drop them (scary). But they smell so good.

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  2. Love your blog!!
    And 加油!! I was a newbie mummy 1.5years back and was crying uncontrollably for some time during the first month. It’s not easy but everything is gonna worth it when you look at the lil one in your arms.

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  3. Hi there,
    Congrats! been following your blog for about a year! And I’m so happy to journey with you through your pregancy & birth 🙂

    I just had my 2nd bb in late Jan and was struggling, even as a 2nd time mother. Like you my boy doesn’t sleep very well. And it dawned upon us that we had forgotten to swaddle him to give him the snug feeling. Not sure if you’re already doing this, but thought it might be sthg useful 🙂

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  4. A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for
    hang in there. 🙂

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  5. Hi Yann,

    I been reading yr blog and a first time mummy like u. Birth story also emergency csec like u. In a way i feel appalled to comment cos first time mummies really need support cos they are often lost, tired and snappy.

    My lil girl almost 2 mths. It really does get better. And u might really want to swaddle aidan cos it really helps. My girl a figety baby n
    Slps better with a swaddle cloth. I also placed a small pillow or boster next to her to give her security

    After a mth, we realised she likes to be awake in the night and doesnt help when we are all slpy but she still wide awake and wants to be carried, my mum feeding tactic is: eg. She drinks every two to three hrs interval. So start from 9pm she drinks not the full feed eg. 50-60ml(she usually slps after that) then ard 11-12 give her usual full feed of 95ml then she slps throughout the night till maybe 3-4 hrs for next feed.

    Not sure if it helps cos every baby different pattern n habits but you are definitely doing gd and will be better with time and practice.

    To me taking care of bb is definitely trial and error. U will find sm ways that dont work n some work.

    God bless. 🙂

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  6. He’s still young, doesn’t know the difference between night and day yet and perhaps, even has colic. Just know that it will improve at about the 3 months mark. Seems long huh? But you’ve nearly gotten past a month already! Time flies!

    Swaddling helps a bunch and keeping the kid cool (fan/aircon) amidst this crazy weather help as well. Always play by ear and if you need to hug him to sleep through the night, just do it. It’s not going to spoil them.

    Every kid progresses differently, so try not to think so much when other new mums boast about what their kids can do, especially the sleeping through the night and volumes of milk feeds! I get that so often and it is NOT fun. 😦

    Your emotions will start to stabilize soon. Not yet, but pretty soon. Give it another 2/3 weeks. *hugs* The trick is knowing that your emotions are due to raging hormones after birth and you’ll find it alot easier to keep it in check.

    PS, You’ll also be amazed at how little sleep you really need the moment the kid comes into the world. 😛

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  7. Hey babe, just thinking about your entry while feeding Coco. Wasn’t in the best of moods after having our Friday night dinner abruptly curtailed by one Very Poopy Diaper. Who would have thought that a fast food meal could get any faster.

    Anyway, somehow, the thought that Coco wouldn’t be around if that last embryo didn’t make it got me all teary. A wave of indescribable deep love washed over me and all the frazzled-ness (if there is such a word) just melted away.

    That’s the only thing I need to keep me going. So if sunshiney positive thoughts don’t work, the negative “what ifs” might just do the trick.

    Hugs.

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