Aidan, Motherhood

4 weeks of life with Aidan

Dear Aidan,

And just like that, you have been here with us for a month. Well, make that five weeks actually, but mama here has been so exhausted that she hasn’t been able to sit at her computer and write to you.

In these past four weeks, you have turned our lives upside down. And I mean that literally. I’m up most nights making sure that your tiny tummy is filled with sustenance (AKA boob juice) while your Dad is in charge of clearing your output (ie. changing your – oddly enough – soy milk smelling diapers). We both look like zombies and our eye bags are bigger than our eyes.

We have also looked passionately into each other’s eyes and said, NO MORE CHILDREN.

That’s not to say that we don’t like you. On the contrary, we love you so much that if we could have a second heart, that heart would belong to you absolutely.

But looking after an infant is so, so hard. And it makes us frustrated and unhappy when we don’t know why you are screaming your head off for hours on end. And when you don’t sleep well, I get all personal about it, thinking that it is something I am not doing right. That’s stupid, of course, but that’s what being a mother does to you.

To be perfectly honest, I am not a fan of this infancy period. People tell me to treasure this period when you are so teeny tiny but all I want is to have a baby who can interact with me.

But – and that’s a mighty big but – I have to say that I adore many things about you at this stage. I love how your little body drapes across my chest as you nurse. I love those little sighs that you make when you are suckling away. I love how you grunt in frustration during tummy time (which you have expressed your displeasure towards, loud and clear). I love the cute little sounds that you make when you sleep in my arms. I love your gassy smiles. I love that funny, drunken milk face of yours. I love your little ‘eh eh eh’ sounds. I love those tiny mittens and socks of yours, which we are always losing.

Motherhood has been challenging for me but not a day goes by where I don’t love you. Okay, I may love you a little less when you are wailing away but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

I am so thankful that you are here and I know that it can only get better.

In the meantime, forgive us for being bumbling first-time parents and be gentle with us.