Motherhood

Normal transmission resumes

Thank you for your kind words in the previous post.

I went through days when the urge to sob uncontrollably would surface every so often. Really, I felt like something was broken in me. I was all prepared to seek professional help, believing that I was suffering from post-partum depression.

Oh no, it wasn’t as bad as what many women went through. I wasn’t suicidal, I didn’t stop loving my son. All I needed throughout the day were little breaks. I would walk away from Aidan, sit down and take a deep breath. When I felt more in control, I would go back to caring for him. And that was how I got through most days. At the same time, I was trying to come to a decision regarding Aidan’s caregiving after my maternity leave ends. I had made a choice that made financial and practical sense but left me unhappy. That contributed to the frustration I was feeling.

But it’s okay. I’m okay. I’m back to being me again. Of course, Mr A’s daytime sleep is still as crappy as ever and it is hugely annoying when he wakes up 10, 30 minutes after I put him down. Oh I have tried everything: drawn curtains, swaddle, white noise, rocker, AC, fan, cot, bed etc. Nothing works. I am pretty convinced that this boy is just not into napping. Gah.

But when this face gazes up at me, how can I stay down?

I kept the parentals up the whole night? Huzzah!!

You guys rock. Thank you.