4 months of Aidan

Dear Aidan,

How is it that four months have zoomed on by so quickly? It seems like only yesterday that I was cradling you on my chest for the first time.

How did you get so big so fast?

Oh yes, you are a hefty one. Your dada and I were just reminiscing about how we could carry you with just one hand once upon a time. Now, putting you down for a nap can put my arm to sleep. Back then, you draped lightly over my chest during those late night feeds. Now, your neck is strong enough for you to guide yourself towards the food source, although your aiming still needs work. It’s kinda funny, actually, to see you bobbing your head forward, trying to go for the nipple but failing.

Speaking of nursing, you are quite the acrobat these days. It’s not uncommon for you to pop your head off, arch backward and stare at my Muji aromatherapy diffuser (which doubles up as a night light). Sometimes, you smile and babble to it as if it’s your friend. It would be funny if it wasn’t happening SO MANY TIMES in ONE feed.

Also, ouch.

Just the other day, you discovered your laugh. We were sending Por Por home and I was just holding you up and praising you for being a good boy when you started chuckling! And you continued chortling for a while as I carried on singing your praises.

It was simply electrifying, that moment. All three of us were smiling broadly and I am pretty sure our hearts were bursting with joy and pride.

That’s a first for mama to savour. Thank you for sharing it with me.

At the same time, though, you have also learnt to complain. It literally happened overnight, right after your latest developmental leap. You started going “ah bu bu bu” in this mellow tone with a little frown between your eyebrows and saliva bubbles bursting out from your rosebud lips. We’d repeat it after you and you would respond in an even more animated manner, your frown deepening. Oh dear.

The past month has been so joyous that I can’t help but feel a little sad that our days together are ending. I will be going back to work next week and you will be with your grandmas during the day. You have no idea how much that gnaws at my heart, how much I will miss our days together while I am at work.

The way you babble contentedly to yourself in the cot while waiting for someone to get you in the morning. The huge grin that breaks over your face when you see me peeping over the cot and saying “Good morning, sunshine!” to you. The sweet breathy baby voice of yours as you chat up a storm next to me in bed while I try to sneak in a few more minutes of sleep. The drowsy fog that envelops us as we nurse. The tentative yet vigorous way you kick your legs in the bathtub when I tell you to “splash!”. The cosiness as you nap on my chest in the air-conditioned comfort of the bedroom. The conversations we have once we wake up from the nap.

In the past four months, you have taught me so much about life. There’s a humility in me now that never existed before. You’ve toughened me up, made me a much wiser person and allowed me to grow along with you. Though the early days were painful and dealt a mind blowing shock to my system, I have appreciated every single minute of our journey together.

And every day, as I kiss the top of your head and breathe in that unique baby scent of yours, I thank the big guy above that you are here and you are ours.

Happy four months, baby. I love you so very much.

Love, mama

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