Aidan, Motherhood, The organised chaos

Christmas 2012

And just like that, another Christmas has come and gone.

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Mr Thick and I have been off from work since last week and we’ve been spending loads of quality time with the kid, hence the radio silence. There are many reasons for that, one of which is that it was a deliberate effort on my part to disconnect from social media and teh Internetz.

For a while now, I have been trying to cut down on my use of the gadgets and social media when I am with Aidan. It’s important to me that he gets my full attention whenever we are reading a book, or playing with his toys, or having our dinner together. I am trying to avoid becoming a parent who needs to ply her child with iPad videos to keep him happy or to eat his food.

Also, we have been meeting up with friends and family, people whom we have not been able to spend as much time with as we would like. No big parties, no fancy gatherings, just catching up over a cup of coffee etc. I guess I’d rather meet the people who matter and update them about our lives in person than for them to read about it here.

And so this space has been a little neglected.

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The little man has been sleeping rather poorly for a while now, which is another reason why I haven’t been able to write. I’m so tired, I can’t even remember that I have something boiling on the stove! (True story. Just ask husband. The pot is a little burnt, that’s all.) There are all sorts of reasons, I suppose, for his crappy sleep but since I don’t have the ability to read babies’ minds, I can only make guesses. It’s gotten a lot worse over the past two weeks and my best bet is that we are all muddling through a sleep regression. Or teething. Or whatever.

(I read this post on Ask Moxie A HELL LOT. Like repeatedly. It makes me feel HEAPS better! Heh. Misery loves company and all.)

I try my best not to whine about it too much. Really, I think I’ve forfeited my right to complain ever since we found out that we were expecting. After all that we have gone through, we are both happy that we have a baby to celebrate Christmas with and that he is healthy and a beautiful joy to be around.

Of course, I still rant to friends who would listen and commiserate. But at the heart of it all, we are grateful that it’s just terrible sleep.

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At the same time, I have been thinking about shutting this blog down. I used to chronicle everything down for memory’s sake, and because I love to write. It’s a creative outlet for me (since I am absolutely useless at other sorts of crafts) and a part of me also wishes for my child to see the journey of his life through my eyes in the future.

And yet, I’m beginning to feel a little wary about baring my soul so publicly. And there’s Aidan, who has no control over what I write right now. How do I draw the line between jotting down the memories of our lives together and respecting his life?

I’m still torn and debating internally about this. It may sound silly but I do feel as if part of my identity is irrevocably linked to this site. From this site grew a whole new branch in my life. It brought me new friendships, good advice and blessed encouragement.

Maybe I’ll lock it up, maybe I’ll keep it private.

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Two Christmases ago, hope filled my heart. And then my heart was broken.
One Christmas ago, hope again filled my heart. And this time, it never left.

The experience has changed me in many ways, both good and bad. I feel more grounded, more at peace. This Christmas, I baked goodies for our loved ones, late into the night after the little man had gone to bed (and woken up a gazillion times but hey, I am not whining!). We donated to animal shelters. We didn’t buy Aidan anything; instead, we had fun tossing food products into the supermarket trolley and then donating everything to The Boys’ Brigade’s Share-A-Gift in his name. I don’t desire presents, nor do I wish to gift others with thoughtless trinkets.

We may not be rich but he has our love and plenty of toys, clothes and food. He needs nothing, and neither do we.

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Wherever you are, I hope you had a blessed Christmas!