Motherhood

Some days…

Last night was a difficult night for me.

It was the first day of school and I was pretty beat up from lessons. Talking for four hours a day, non-stop, can be a really tough thing to do, let along managing a large group of teenagers at the same time. By the time I headed home, my tank was running on low.

And my little man, oh my little man! His sleep has been downright ugly for the past six months but that’s okay, I am used to it. But between the two of us, we spent an HOUR putting him to bed. That’s one hour of Mr A crying and sobbing and yelling before he finally fell asleep. By the time I came out of his room, I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. Whatever “it” may be.

Maybe it was the Universe toying with me, or maybe it’s just me being stupid on social media. Randomly scrolling through Instagram as I sprawled across the sofa, I came across two separate pregnancy announcements from ladies whose babies are not even one.

Let me repeat that: their babies are not even ONE and they are PREGNANT.

I broke down. I couldn’t stop sobbing, the tears just kept flowing fast and furious. All I could think of was how exhausted I was, how I wanted a second little one too, how is it that everyone else can have it all while I was barely keeping it together.

But you know what, life goes on. My lessons are not going to run by themselves just because I had a rough night. I can’t be all mean and nasty and grouchy because I didn’t get enough sleep. My baby still needs his mama. So I get up, brush the dirt from my knees and walk on.

It’s okay though. It’s okay to have one of these bad days. Life is not perfect, not for me anyway. Motherhood is not all peaches and roses. I’m not glamorous, far from it. It is tough and there are days when we hit rock bottom. On those days I do what I can to get through it. And then it gets better.

It will, it eventually will. Just tell yourself that. And then wipe those tears dry, hold your head up high and get on with the day. Because you are strong enough. We all are.

In the end, I cleaned my face and nose on husband’s tee-shirt. Went into the bedroom, turned on the AC and tucked myself under the quilt. At 1030pm. And I slept until Aidan woke up and needed me.

And it was a brand new day all over again.

5 thoughts on “Some days…”

  1. Big big big hugs to you! Although I am on the fence about trying for a second one, I know exactly how you feel. I go to bed most days super exhausted, like I’ve gone to war, and yet, not very accomplished at all. And I wonder really, how do some people have it all?

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  2. I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough day, babe.

    You’re an inspiration to many: an admired educator, a dedicated mother, a loving wife all rolled into one strong woman.

    And who needs to look glamourous when you’re already Fabulously Gorgeous anyway?

    Stay strong!

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  3. Jia You! I am like you too, had a 1yr+ old baby, wanted to have a 2nd one soon (badly), in fact I really missed being pregnant. But, I just changed job early this year, so I need to wait for a while first. What’s worse is, me and my hubby had not being sleeping togr since my bb is born :(, cos he is scared he will squashed the bb and disrupted his (hubby’s) sleep.

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