Bun in oven, Letters to

Soon enough

Dear Two,

Sometimes, I wish that my belly comes with a built-in camera.

You see, mama here is awful with all things spatial. While the doctor was able to tell us of your position simply by gently touching my tummy – you are currently engaged and in the most optimum position for a vaginal birth, and that’s unlikely to change, he said – I can never really picture you in that position. I know that your head is down in the pelvic cavity, your back is curved somewhere around the middle-left of my belly and your legs are tucked inwards. Which is why I won’t feel your legs kicking, the good doctor said.

But try as I may, I can’t seem to imagine it. How is it that you are in that position and I can feel your movements all the way to the sides? Was that your hand? How does it feel to be you right now? Why is it that when you hiccup, I feel the motions on my right?

How I wish I could see through the layers of skin, flesh and muscle to see what on earth you are up to in there! And how I wish you have the ability to tell me all of this!

It’s pretty cool though. I’ve always loved the movements of my babies in my belly. The notion that I am incubating my little ones is a powerful one, and a memory that I will always hold very dearly.

As they say, every baby is different and so every pregnancy is different too. Aidan was a cheeky, squirmy baby who was always on the move. I used to call him the in-utero human circus act. He would respond so vigorously to the food I eat, the caffeine I imbibe and the words that I say.

You, on the other hand, have calmer and more measured movements. Right before I go to sleep at night is when you are most active. And you most definitely respond to your brother’s words and touch. Which is super, super cute.

I don’t expect the two of you to be best of friends, I think that is asking for too much. But I really hope that you will be each other’s pillar of strength, guidance and encouragement.

And most importantly, I hope that both of you will always have each other’s back, no matter what. One day, both your papa and I will no longer be around and it will just be you and him in this world.

Just the other day, something hilarious happened. Mama was in the loo, emptying what needed to be emptied. Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and your brother walked in.

“Aidan, mama poo poo,” I said.

He ignored me completely, of course. He walked straight to me, lifted up my shirt, and then leaned in to rub his cheek against my belly.

It was the sweetest moment. And the oddest too. I mean, I was sitting on the loo.

“Aidan,” I repeated gently. “Mama poo poo.”

He looked at me, pulled my shirt down and promptly walked out of the bathroom. I sat there laughing at the hilarity of it, and shed a silent tear of love.

This boy, he has the biggest, warmest heart and I have no doubt that he will love you oh so very much.

As do we all, Two, as do we all.

Almost 39 weeks, my darling. It’s going to be a crazy ride when you get here. Be gentle with us, be patient with us. We’d figure this out together: you, me, papa and your gor gor.

Love you to the moon and back (already),

Aidan insisted on taking a photo with “baby” (and yes, I was wearing pants)

2 thoughts on “Soon enough”

  1. Omigosh, you took the words right outta my head! My ob-gyn tells me baby is head-down, etc. but I just can’t imagine why I feel jabs/punches all the way to the sides!

    Anyway, sending you happy birthing thoughts! Wishing you a safe and smooth delivery, and may it be the one you’ve always wished for! x


  2. Such a sweet thing Aidan did! And never mind whether you are wearing anything or not. Can’t see anything under that belly anyway! 😀

    So happy for you now that you have popped!!!


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