The organised chaos

It’s Kit Kat time

Today has been a truly, truly trying day. One that deserves to be buried six feet under. And then set on fire. And then pulverised by the weapons of mass destruction that they may or may not have found in Iraq.

It all started last night, I think. It was a horrid night. Zac is going through a mental leap and his idea of sleep is to either permaboob (ie. latch on forever and ever, until he graduates from university) or sleep on a warm human body. In between, he cried and fussed.

And on the opposite spectrum, we have Aidan, who has this very strange need to be physically attached to my body when he sleeps. His lovey is, oddly enough, my belly button, and it is not unusual for him dig his fingers into my flesh, looking for said button in the middle of the night. When I am nursing Zac (which, remember, goes on forever and ever these days), he wakes up and screams to be carried by mama. Obviously mama can’t do that because mama has a baby hanging off her boob. He continues screaming and nobody gets any sleep.

Last night, he also ran a temperature so we found ourselves zipping across the island to pay a visit to our paediatrician bright and early this morning. Predictably, we spent the entire morning in the clinic burning a few holes in our pockets and by the time we left, it was noon. During this time, Zac caught little naps here and there, but nothing substantial.

Oh, did I also mention that the sky was pissing with rain? And that the walk between the carpark and the clinic was not sheltered?

We had lunch and on the way back, Aidan fell asleep in the car. Yay! Except he woke up once we lifted him out of the carseat and then he cried for mama when papa tried to put him back to sleep at home. Except mama was trying to nap baby, who would wake up once he was unlatched.

Once again, nobody got any sleep.

I decided to strap Zac to me and go for a walk. It was a very pleasant walk, actually. The weather was lovely and cool. We went to Yakun and I had my teh-si fix and then we took a bus back. Aidan had fun jumping into puddles in his wellies and we laughed and laughed.

And then it was time to head out for my father-in-law’s birthday dinner.

Just for the record, I would like to state that I had been vehemently AGAINST the idea of bringing a sick toddler and a 2.5-month-old baby out for a 7pm dinner. I knew that Aidan would not nap much in the day and would be a handful. I knew that Zac goes into meltdown mode at that hour and can only be comforted after a bath and a feed AT HOME. Our past weekend dinners at the in-laws have proven that to be true.

Because who ends up pacing the floor, soothing a cranky baby while the rest of the family enjoys dinner? ME. Everybody gets their turn at carrying baby and cooing at how cute he is, but when he cries, he gets dumped back into my arms.

So really, NO THANKS.

But my worries were summarily dismissed and I decided that should either of my children be crying during dinner, I will coolly eat my Peking duck and say, “Oh, by all means, carry him.” And I will continue crunching down on that Peking duck because, you know, PEKING DUCK.

Anyhow, we set off for the dinner. Zac started bawling even before we inserted the key into the ignition. Meanwhile, Aidan was chirpy but coughing up a storm. We drove and we jammed (the car sort) and Zac continued crying and Aidan continued coughing. I moved back to sit in between the carseats (IT’S A FEAT/FIT) and had one hand on each of my boys’ to comfort them.

As we drove onto CTE, Aidan coughed and he coughed and he…THREW UP ALL OVER HIMSELF. I stared at him, aghast and all, WITENBOF. As I hastily tried to clean him up, he vomited again. I almost cried, because he looked so miserable and the smell of vomit was awful. Good thing Zac had been crying, he probably cried enough for all of us.

We stopped the car and stripped Aidan out of his vomity clothes. The car seat was drenched as well. There was no way in hell I would allow my kids to go for the dinner in their various states and so we headed back. Zac was still crying.

By the time we got home, my poor bubba had been crying for an hour. And it was ALL FOR NOTHING. The car smelt of vomit and the car seat was in a disgusting state. I was exhausted and my head was pounding from the smell and the crying. But my Super Powers kicked in and I managed to whip up dinner for Aidan (macaroni in chicken soup, steamed salmon) and the adults (frozen pizza, NO JUDGING and thank you Dr Oetker).

We got the kids bathed and changed into their jammies. Finally, they fell asleep, even if Zac woke up and cried, before passing out at my boob. Again.

I crawled out of the room and devoured ice-cream. (The Inspired Chef‘s Divine Chocolate Tart, if anyone’s interested. You can thank me later.)

So yeah, not the best day of my life. When you add in the loss of my wallet (and all my credit cards and IC), the perpetual ill-health of the family, my idiotic rear-ending of our car…you can see how I am Just. So. Frigging. Tired.

Am going to slump onto my pillow and wait for someone to wake up soon. Am also mentally crooning Radiohead’s Fake Plastic Trees. Just because.

Aidan, Photography, Two of Us, Zac

Of beautiful moments perfectly captured

We love beautiful photographs, husband and I.

When we decided to get married, one of our priorities was photography. We knew that we didn’t want just anyone to shoot one of the best days of our lives. Oh forget about the expensive gowns and jewellery, we were willing to pay for photography. And we found it in Eadwine.

And then we got married and we decided that the fun was not over yet. Since my wedding dress was hanging in the wardrobe doing nothing much, we decided to do a trash the dress shoot with my friend Alywin.

Two years later, two (finally) became three and I thought, hey, we should update those photo albums. So Alywin came in to take photos of us and our newest addition – Aidan.

So with the birth of Zac, I could not NOT have a shoot done, couldn’t I? But then my friend Alywin had to move to Shanghai and leave me stranded without a photographer friend. I was searching for a photographer when a friend shared with me Joshua‘s crowd-funding endeavour. To help someone achieve his goal and to get a shoot out of it, why not?

Mr Thick and I are not fans of studio shoots and we never have – we find those too repetitive, too unnatural, too predictable. And, most importantly, there is no natural light. Without batting an eyelid, we decided on an outdoor shoot for this particular one as well. As the day drew closer, however, I started to panic slightly. Handling two kids on a humid summer day? What was I, insanely optimistic?

Thankfully, the weather held up and both boys were on their best behaviour. I mean, nobody cried and NOBODY POOPED. That’s like striking lottery! Plus, Josh was a very nice chap who made us feel all comfortable and the shoot went better than expected.

Even if the matching tees that I got for the boys were actually purchased from the girls department. (BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT!)

We kind of weren’t really expecting much, just a couple of pictures of the family. But what we got from Josh in return was so, so, so much more. We are so chuffed by the album. He definitely made us look more beautiful that we really are, thanks, in part, to the gorgeous light (see, natural light). You can’t even tell that I am absolutely gutted by the lack of uninterrupted sleep.

Also, Photoshop is our best friend. Here’s to being Fabulously Gorgeous forever!

Aidan, Zac

Version 2012 vs Version 2014


I just had to do a comparison photo of my two babies side by side. And man, they look so different at the same age!

It may appear as if Aidan is more smiley than Zac but the truth is, I was alone when I was shooting Zac so that kind of explains his bewildered expression. With Aidan, Mr Thick was next to me performing all sorts of tricks to coax a smile out of him. No wonder my boo boo was grinning like a cheeky monkey.

Re-reading the post that I had written when Aidan was two months old, it just reminds me of how tough those early days were. Compare this with how I am right now with Zac, you can see how much I have grown.

Ah, my second-born. You may lack the undivided attention of your parents, which your brother received for two full years, but you get the benefit of our experience AND the affection of your sibling.

The organised chaos


The time is now 1148pm.

Every night, I tell myself to sleep early. Get some rest. Sleep when the boys are sleeping.
And every night, I find myself turning out the lights at midnight.
Silly, really.
But I am a natural night owl, have always been.
I used to read till 5, 6am and my mum would wake up to see me still awake, nose buried in a book.

Things have changed since then, of course. My life has changed. Motherhood has changed my life.
Has it changed me? Perhaps. In many ways. In good ways.
I’m calmer. More centred. More aware. More empathetic. Kinder.
But it has also changed my life in so many ways.
I can no longer sleep in. Read at leisure. Jump up and do stuff on a whim. Buy clothes without thinking if it’s going to be conducive for nursing. Eat whatever I feel like. Go to the gym.

It’s not bad, it’s just that sometimes I do miss the peace and quiet of my house. I miss the unhurried-ness of it all.
I guess that’s why I stay up late.
Well, late considering my circumstances now.
To enjoy the solitude. The quiet of the night.
To be a me that’s just for me. Not a mum. Not a wife.

It’s now 1155pm.
Time to hit the sack.

Some little person will need me in no time. There will be snotty noses to be wiped. Tiny warm bodies to cuddle. Sweaty foreheads to kiss goodnight. Backs to be patted during coughing fits.

Goodnight, world.

Letters to, Zac

Two months of Zac

Dear Zac,

Woah, how is it that two months have passed by so quickly? What exactly have we been doing?

Oh wait, I know what we have been doing. Nothing and everything.

Every morning, we spend time doing nothing. While your papa takes Aidan to school and heads to work after that, we lounge around in bed. Sometimes, I sing to you, we have a bit of a natter and I try to take loads of photos of you. And then it’s off to the bath for you and once you are clean and sweet smelling, I try to get you to take a nap.

Most of the time, you do fall asleep (yay!) and then I’ll cook/eat lunch, shower and do some work. Sometimes, you oblige me by sleeping for two hours (hurrah for tummy sleeping). Otherwise, you are up after an hour and I’d try to put you down for a second round of napping.

Before you know it, the morning is gone and it’s time to pick up your brother from school.

I love mornings like these when we are lazing around and have no agenda. Mornings are when you are at your happiest. I get to indulge in your babyness and enjoy your coos and smiles. I get to spend undivided time with you, giving you all of my attention. I get to enjoy being a mother of an infant, something I really didn’t do much of previously.

You see, with your brother at this stage, I was constantly on tenterhooks, wondering if I was doing everything correctly. He hardly napped and did not go to sleep easily, and I was always trying to troubleshoot it. It was like walking on eggshells and there was equal amounts of joy and anxiety in parenting him then.

But with you – all of that anxiety, fear and worry go out of the window. I trust in my own parenting abilities this time, I let you and your progress take the lead.

So while your brother gave me the gift of motherhood, you, my darling, offered me the chance of a redemption. To redo everything all over again, and to enjoy myself thoroughly this time.

Of course, the past month has not been easy on you and me at times. Unfortunately, you picked up a nasty virus from your brother and it developed into bronchiolitis. You have no idea how it breaks our hearts seeing you cough like that, your little body hacking away. It’s been two weeks and you are improving, albeit too slowly for my liking. But there is nothing much we can do but to nebulise you regularly, and hope for the best.

You have been a brave little man throughout though. You hardly cry and you are still full of smiles and coos. I’m so very proud of you, my happy little chappy.

We love you to the moon and back, thank you for completing our family.

Don’t worry bubba, it’s just the photo. You are usually more smiley than this. 😉