Recently, I had a review with my reporting officer and one of the questions that she asked me was whether I was happy and could see myself staying here for the near future. And I was very honest with her when I said that I would probably work full-time until Aidan enters primary school and then consider my options again.
Did I just kill my career prospects? I probably did, huh.
I like my work, I do. I enjoy it a lot and I find it a very fulfilling vocation. It makes me happy to see my students’ progression over the semester, it makes me glad that I have had a hand in helping them be better at what they do. There are things that drive me absolutely nuts sometimes but in general, it is a very peaceful environment and I am lucky to have a fair, strategic and kind boss. And let’s be real, the job pays the bills, it allows me to continue giving my mother an allowance.
But at the same time, I feel like there’s a lot of other things that I would like to try as well. And I can’t dive into these ventures while juggling a full-time job that takes up all of my energies in the day.
For starters, I would love to spend more time with my boys. At a certain point in time, I would like to be there for them, more than just the two or three hours that we have currently. There is one of me and two of them, and as much as I wish I could split myself into two, my boys don’t get as much undivided attention as I would like to give.
And there’s the writing bit. Let’s be honest here – my writing has suffered since the day I became a mother. I hardly have time to write and when I do, my brains feel fuzzy. It’s like I cannot think straight, I cannot connect the dots and my sentences come out ungrammatical. It’s really tragic!
Now that I have Zac in the picture too, my personal time has shrunk drastically. I have thought about going for yoga instructor courses for a while now but I don’t even have the time to go on the mat. These courses typically require 200 hours of learning, and these are 200 hours that I don’t have to spare.
Then there’s my interest in photography. I feel as if my photography muscles have atrophied significantly! All I take these days are pictures of my boys. As darling as they are…it’s not quite the same. It’s almost as if I can’t compose a decent photo these days, which makes me very sad.
My cousin and I used to talk about running a boutique together too, and that’s another thing that’s constantly on the back of my mind. But we both knew that the business is not conducive for someone bringing up two little people and we put it on the back burner. For now. Eventually, though, I hope we can work together.
So yes, that’s me. With my endless dreams and desires, with my greediness to want to have my cake and eat it too. I get it, I do. It’s currently the season for bringing up my littles and there are some things which can wait until they are older. I don’t begrudge the lack of time now because I know that my kids will only need me for this short period of time. And then I will have all the time in the world to pursue my little dreams.
But until I figure out how I can juggle all my needs and wants and the realities of life, these dreams will have to stay in my mind.