365 days of Zac

Exactly one year ago, I was trying to fall asleep as wave after wave of contractions assailed me.

After 12 hours of labour, Zac arrived and stole our hearts forever and ever.

My second-born has been everything I had hoped for and more. He makes me laugh every single day and makes my heart sing. Every night, I settle into bed next to him and give his noggin’ a little sniff before I drift off into sleep. And in the mornings, I wake to his loud and vociferous complaining that he is the only one who is awake. He sees me crack open my eyelid and bursts into the biggest and brightest smile.

You know how some women wonder if they would be able to love their second-born as much as they do their first? I never had that doubt. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I was already in love. I knew that I would love him the same way I love his brother, and that I would love him in different ways too.

With Aidan, I approached his first birthday with a sense of relief that we had somehow survived parenthood. His birth had been a huge shock to our systems, our lives, and we had gotten through a year without killing anybody.

But now, with Zac, all I can feel is a sense of wistful nostalgia, that time had passed by so quickly. He’s also my last baby so this feels extra poignant.

Tomorrow morning when he wakes, he will be One. Wow.

Zac's favourite spot: the balcony

5 thoughts on “365 days of Zac”

  1. Hi there, i just chanced on your blog today. I’m currently in that unhappy time between receiving my first BFN, and awaiting my review session with my doc at KKH (i believe my doc is the person you refer to as “Dr Handsome”). 🙂 In just this short week, i’ve already been thinking so many question : should i switch to private hospital? should i even continue on this process (though i have 5 frozen embryos, the pain of seeing a very early AF during the 2ww was quite devastating)? where can i get donor eggs (assuming Dr Handsome advises me to, after using up my current stock of embryos).

    My mind is a blur. DH is supportive, but mostly leaves it to me to do all the worrying, as men generally do.

    Any thoughts you have would be most appreciated.



    1. Hi Susie, so sorry to hear about your BFN. 😦

      I really can’t tell you if you should switch over to private hospital or not, to be honest. I was very happy with the level of care that I had received, although it was so much more expensive. We couldn’t have afforded a second round in the private route and friends who have had their IVFs done at KKIVF had only glowing reviews. I suggest you hear your doctor out and perhaps review your protocol. You may also wish to try TCM and acupuncture, no harm, really.

      Ah, husbands, not quite useful when it comes to research. Have a chat with him, let him know how you feel. Mine was obtuse until I almost cracked and then he realised just how much I was shouldering. And then he became a trooper. 😉

      All the best!


      1. Thanks so much for your quick response. I can only imagine how busy u r now w ur 2 little boys!

        May I ask who was ur private doctor (Dr Y) and also where u did your tcm/acupuncture? I’ve just fixed an appt w Thomson Chinese medicine cos they have a branch in katong which is q near me. I’ve read a lot about dr Zou in amk but I can’t bear to travel there so often.

        Also, overall I’m satisfied w the treatment at Kkh. Although I hardly ever saw my doc, but the nurses seem competent. I did see Dr Handsome during my ER and he managed to retrieve 15, which I thought was a good number so I was happy. But during ET, while I was lying down (literally w my pants down) awaiting the transfer, only at that point was I told by the nurse that Dr Handsome was on urgent leave that day and dr Matthew lau would be doing the transfer for me. I was like, who?! But obviously I had no choice.

        Now that the process had failed, of course I can’t help thinking, would I have succeeded if it had been dr handsome who did the procedure for me, as he should have done. Subsequently when I asked another nurse where dr H was on my ET day, she said he may hv been on conference!

        This was why I began to entertain the thought of switching to private. But yes I also can’t q stomach the cost. I might be prepared to shell it out if there was a guaranteed success but since there isn’t,…..

        Thanks again for reading!


  2. Hi Susie,

    Yikes, that didn’t sound good, with him being on urgent leave. Unfortunately IVF is really such a gamble. You can’t really know why it didn’t work. Maybe give him another chance to see whether it will work? Hopefully it will!


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