Bun in oven

Musings about Two

So, I’ve unlocked some of my previously-private posts on Number Two, if anyone is remotely interested in reading.

Unlike the first pregnancy, I have not been writing much. Partly because I was absolutely gutted by the first trimester twin terrors of morning sickness and exhaustion, and also partly because I have had my hands full at work.

While the horrible, sick feeling of nausea has mostly abated, I still get the occasional heave ho. Which is incredibly awful, considering that I am already in week 17 (or is it 18? Can’t recall. Maybe 19?).

Anyway, Two. My beautiful in-utero baby. My second chance to experience a “normal” pregnancy – less Dead Baby Thoughts, less paranoia, more joyful tears.

I love you already.

Unlocked posts: What’s that they say?, Same same but different, Oh bile!, Hey you! Yes you!.

Bun in oven

What’s that they say?

As a mother, I always repeat this to anyone who listens: EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT.

And now that I have Number Two all snuggling up in my belly, I can safely say that the differences extend to pregnancy.


So, Number Two.

The morning sickness is perpetual. It was terrible just a couple of weeks ago, I would lie down in bed immediately after husband got home. I still get the regular heaving on a daily basis and I did throw up more than the previous pregnancy, but the general sense of sickness has thankfully dissipated. With Aidan, I was sick all the way up till about 14 weeks or so and those days were bad. I had to take the train to and fro work and it was a nightmare. All I can remember is me clinging on to the pole for dear life as I tried not to retch in the jerky, stuffy MRT cabin. These days, I’d heave as I am driving and thank the gods that I am sitting in the air-conditioned comforts of my own car. Perspective, people.

I’m still tired as hell but hey, with a 20-month-old who does not sleep through the night, ANYONE would feel tired. Most days, I go to bed at 930 or so.

See, back when I was pregnant the first time, I had nothing else to care for. When I got home, I would lie down on the sofa and rest. Or I would watch mindless TV programs like “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant!” and get all WTF over them. Now? Hah! I have to constantly chase after the little boy who cannot sit still. No time to lie down and moan about feeling sick!

Oh, Number Two.

We saw him/her the other day when we had our 9-week scan. My baby is, for the lack of a better word, a BLOB. Really. It was a blob with what looked like a tail. But he/she was clearly moving, the doctor pointed out. Too cute! I have a moving blob of a baby!

Also, please do not be as active as your brother. I’m not sure my aging legs and lungs can handle the two of you.

All’s good, we are proceeding with the OSCAR screening and I no longer have Dead Baby Thoughts.

Second time around, I am a chill mum.

Also, a mum who is crazy busy at work and dead tired after work, therefore has no energies to waste on Dead Baby Thoughts.

And who is going to bed now. At the late timing of 11pm. Goodnight grandma me.

Bun in oven, Letters to

Hey you! Yes you!

Dear Number Two,


You, my darling, have finally been made. After all that teenage angst and drama from your mama here, you slipped into our lives quietly and unexpectedly.

We had a quick look at you at the doctor’s about a week ago and it was beautiful. You are just a round little blob on the ultrasound but you are here, with us, reassuringly.

Just like your brother, you are a lesson for me to learn. Initially, I had been pessimistic. You see, with our history, I didn’t think it was going to be easy conceiving you. I didn’t dare to be optimistic at all, for fear of having my heart broken all over again. And this time, I knew that I didn’t want to go through fertility treatments to have a child. There was nothing for me to fall back on.

So I fretted and sighed. (Whenever I had the time to, that is. Between work and your brother, I hardly had energy to even watch TV!) Ideally, I wanted to have you in March or April, so that I could spend extra time with you before going back to work in time for the October semester. And when you didn’t arrive in time for March, nor in April, nor in May – I was sad.

And then it hit me that three women I knew had their babies due in March. Now that made me mad.

Didn’t God know what I was hoping for? Why was it that He gave it to other women but not me?


I was pissed off. I ranted to your father – just a little bit – and decided that sod it, I wasn’t going to care anymore. If we never had a second child, then SO BE IT.

Two weeks later, my period was late, I peed on a stick and BEHOLD. Your presence was announced to us, loud and clear.

I believe that the lesson God intended for me is that of patience.

Your brother was in the bathroom with me when I did the test – is he ever NOT in the bathroom with me, I wonder – and I told him to bring the stick to your dad. After cleaning it, of course. He ran, shouting PAPA! and shoved the stick into your father’s hands.

This means…? he asked.

I smiled. And then the grin on his face grew wider.

Welcome, my little one. We love you already.