Month: December 2008

!(imgcenter)http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2293/2154488306_9013a3991d.jpg!:http://flickr.com/photos/yannie/2154488306/

I believe I speak for many when I say that the departure of 2008 brings more than a sigh a relief.

It hasn’t been a super fantastic year as I had hoped it would be, perhaps I brought with me too high an expectation and too many hopes and dreams into the new year. Some came true, like getting married to the man I had always known I would marry, while some clearly did not.

But through all these, I am extremely grateful to my friends for being there with me. They heard me complain and lament, they offered solutions and a hug when they saw that I needed one. They made me laugh and helped to pull me away from the emotional mess that I was fast becoming. They never complained but instead, reminded me that I should never doubt my own abilities.

And then there is that one person who stood by me through thick and thin. I married him and now our house will soon echo with our footsteps in less than two weeks’ time. Our journey has been full of dizzying ups and dramatic lows but we’ve made it, rain or shine.

After nine years, I can’t possibly imagine being in love with him more than ever but I am.

Happy anniversary, love!

!(imgcenter)http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3182/2951459198_ca77cbab3c.jpg!:http://flickr.com/photos/jimmyliew/2951459198/

(And we are off to our anniversary dinner of Geylang beef horfun and frog leg porridge. Very quaint, I know.)

!(imgcenter)http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2154/2130791241_aa5a094730.jpg!:http://www.flickr.com/photos/yannie/2130791241/

…but my Christmas present has already been delivered, thanks to a very productive trip to Tangs and a lazy Mr Thick!

The pictures are in my camera but I am too tired (Mr Thick bashed me with his elbow twice in the middle of the night, causing me to wake up in shock and cursing) and too stuffed (roast turkey, cream of mushroom and wine sitting in my tum, yum yum).

I still haven’t decided if I am going to carol on Christmas eve; I may just go onto the streets to soak up the atmosphere. It’s ridiculous, I normally hate crowds but during the festive season, I positively draw my energy and joy from seeing shiny happy faces carrying large shopping bags (very shopaholic, I know). Plus, it’s always so lovely to walk out in the streets where the lights are glowing and there is music wafting through the air. It’s so carnival-esque and everyone is seemingly floating on a cloud of happiness.

Ah, truly my favourite time of the year.

Oh my, where has the time gone? After waiting for one long year, it’s crept up on me unwittingly.

Yes, I shall loudly proclaim my love for the commercialised festive phenomenon known as CHRISTMAS!

!(imgcenter)http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2285/2130665381_ebe4b536be.jpg!:http://www.flickr.com/photos/yannie/2130665381/

I love the bright lights.
I love the endless carols being blasted over the PA systems of the malls.
I love the cheery red and glamorous gold decorations.
I love the hordes of people clutching at large paper bags filled with gifts.
I love selecting gifts and getting them gift wrapped by the department stores.
I love the wonderful feeling in the air.

Most of all, I love walking down the crowded streets hand in hand with my husband as we soak in the Christmas magic.

Dear God,

I am assuming that You are reading this blog because I’d like to think that my God carries an iPhone and knows exactly what is being said and written at every moment in time.

To be honest, the past six months have been extremely hard on me, emotionally. I have been pulled apart by beasts (well, just one, actually) again and again, had my writing abilities trashed and my confidence kicked around. I am still in one piece, but barely. Most of the time, I exist in darkness, a place where I constantly question myself. It’s like being held forcibly underwater and only allowed to come up for those precious few seconds of air once in a while. I exist, I don’t live. The thing that I live for is now the very thing that threatens to pull me under.

Everyone tells me to be grateful that I still have a job, that I have money to pay for the mortgage and the impending furnishing of the east end. Their advice is for me to stick around, boost up my CV till the economic storm settles and then leave. My friends tell me to be strong, to grow emotionally from this experience. And I tried, God (meaning, You) knows how hard I have tried. Six long months I have been deliberating and always, always, I bow down to practicality and my bank account.

I’d like to believe that there is a purpose to this episode in my life. That I am meant to learn a lesson, that I am meant to do something meaningful. I would also like to believe that You have something else in mind for me.

I don’t know where my next step will take me but I am crossing my fingers that the closing of one door will lead to the beautiful rays of sunlight filtering in from the opening of another. It’s blind faith that’s leading my footsteps now…no, not blind faith but utmost faith.

I believe in myself. I refuse to, and shouldn’t, believe otherwise.

And I am placing my life in Your hands. I’ve finally listened to my heart, because I have been suppressing its voice all along. Please shine a light on my way and help me along. I can’t do this alone.

Ever yours,
yAnn

(PS: I have no religious beliefs although I believe in God. I hope this does not offend anyone.)