Letters to

Of rainbows and unicorn

Dear Tiny Human,

Today, I’m going to tell you something about Life. It is a wonderful and yet disheartening thing, this Life, and there will be many lessons to learn along the way.

One thing you will most definitely realise is that life is not always smooth. There will be times when you are frustrated and things don’t seem to go your way. That’s Life for you, my lovely. It’s okay to cry, to complain about how unfair it all seems, to not want to get out of bed because you just cannot bear to face the world. It’s okay to do all that as long as you eventually brush the dirt from your knees and stand proud and tall once again.

Right now, I am feeling dejected and despondent because I don’t have you. It’s not fair that I can’t have a child while the whole world seems to be pregnant. It’s not fair that we need medical intervention when everyone seems to be able to conceive with ease.

But I can’t dwell on all this, the negativity will eat me up from inside. I can only smile, say a prayer to the big guy up there and hope for the best. I can only continue living my life, enjoying as much of the time your Dad and I have together as possible.

It’s not all gloom and doom, of course. We share many moments of pure, unadulterated joy and lots of laughter. We are a funny duo, your Dad and I. I hope we will be the sort of couple that you secretly admire and aspire to be part of.

So remember, Life will throw you a stinker once in a while. Get mad, get sad, but never lose sight of the bigger picture. Appreciate the rainbow and roses, and don’t get sucked into the pessimism. I wish someone had said all that to me before and I only hope that these words will provide you with some guiding light when you are feeling lost and lonely.

Love always,
Your Momma

The road is long
The organised chaos

I talk so all the time

Sometimes, it’s hard to be a grown-up.

Back then, whenever I felt down, I would skip classes and do something that would make me happy.
See a movie. Have ice-cream. Window-shop. Bury myself in a book. Snuggle under the covers.
Now, when I feel tired and weary, I have to put on my work hat and head to the office.
I say good morning, smile at the people I bump into in the lift, sit at my desk and turn on the computer.

There are good days and there are bad.
There are days when I feel positive and inspired.
And then there are days when I feel drab and lifeless.
I want to paint my life, colour it with hope and dreams and love and laughter.

But I know that this is life and it’s not always rosy and sweet.
There are times when I have to work a little harder to get to where I want to be.
And sometimes, I don’t even know if I will ever get there.
I tell myself to have faith and to live life gracefully in the meantime.

I may almost be 30 but I don’t have to benchmark my life against that age.
It’s okay if I still don’t get what I want to do by then.
It’s okay if my life is not all white houses and picket fences by then.
It’s okay if I don’t earn $X by then.
It’s okay if I don’t have a Chanel bag by then.
It’s okay if I am not my own boss by then.

It’s okay – I have a whole lifetime to figure it out.

(This familiar favourite has been on repeat mode)